my life unplugged

Loss

2011-03-12T19:10:00.005-06:00

What has happened in Japan is just heart breaking - so much destruction, loss, and pain.
I heard a reporter ask "Who sustained the most loss?" and it got me thinking...

In a natural disaster such as this, you have bullet trains that hold several hundred people vanish. Whole apartment buildings that could hold just as many people flattened. I heard that there are 9,500 people missing in one town alone.

Who sustained the most loss?
Instead of looking for the answer in body counts and material damages, let's explore the question in another way.

Who sustained the most loss?

Possibly the little orphaned toddler who cries for her mother, who will never come.
How about the nine year old little boy that is trapped in his fallen home with the bodies of his family members, or the father who searches for a safe place for his children to sleep as he searches for food and clean water.

Loss is relevant in this tragic situation.

My heart and prayers go out to all of those on the other side of the Pacific.

Adorable...

2010-07-06T22:30:00.007-05:00

This evening I went to meet a friend for coffee at Starbucks.
I was feeling very... blah and looked it too.

I ran late getting up this morning which means my hair was up and with all the rain we've been getting it's a little out of control with curls - not enough to be cute, but just enough to look like I don't take care of it. Not to mention I'm overdue for a color and cut. It's just... chaos.
I did, however, have time to put on a little make-up and run out the door. Which, of course, by now was faded and a bit "smeary".
To top it all off I feel absolutely ginormous as I've gained quite a bit of water weight over the last two months with some medication changes (I'm told that this too shall pass...).

Anywho, fast forward to this evening, disheveled hair, make-up done early - no time for touch up and feeling like I'm wearing saran wrap even though it's just a tank top and shorts... oh yeah baby, I'm feeling hot - like a hot mess.

Towards the end of the meeting I took a break to hit the bathroom, on the way there a very sweet lady stopped me and told me "I am adorable". Really? I even asked her to repeat herself, because I must have heard her wrong, but that's what she said. adorable. This lady clearly had the spiritual gift of compassion...

I suddenly felt very awkward and though I wanted to remind her to call the doc to get her eyes checked I graciously thanked her and went to the restroom.

I have several thoughts as to what spurred her to stop me and say this.
1) She saw what a mess I was and was compelled to make me feel better. Which makes me feel worse because my blah is showing. Which I know it is, but to the point that strangers are feeling pity... I can't even go there.
OR
2) She was clearly an angel sent by God to remind me that He loves me know matter how I feel about myself. That He sees beyond the way I look and feel... and to Him I am adorable.

Honestly, I usually default to something like option 1, but I think today, I'm going with option 2. There are many times God has shown me His love when I least expect it and when I need it most.

Oh and BTW, I looked up ginormous and not only is it a real word, it's been around awhile - circa 1948.

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No more Chrsitmas?

2010-07-05T20:17:00.002-05:00

Yes, I've finally done it. I removed the Christmas theme from my blog.
Well, at least it's done. I'm not thrilled with the title pic, but it will work for now...

So... now that that's taken care of, I wonder if I'll use it.

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2009-11-30T16:37:00.005-06:00

The hard part about having a public blog is that you can't always say what you're thinking, or would like to.
Instead, I sit back and quietly contemplate how I could word things so that the thoughts would come across crystal clear, or that I would make sure and type out each and every single word so that the rumor mill will not be working overtime. I'm not saying that those who read this are yappers, but when you read something that seems to be written in code, it's normal to wonder - what's "really" going on.

I don't know how to write in such a way as to not leave questions hanging.
So here's an honest update on our lives in short.
We are a normal family that is dealing with the typical issues of daily living. Nothing life shattering, nobody's being admitted to rehab, nor are they in hiding from the police. Though I will admit I almost took a hiatus to hide from my dentist to avoid a certain root canal last week, but I digress...

My youngest is finding out that you can't trust others no matter how convincing they sound and that contrary to popular belief, his parents really are on his side. My oldest is learning that work is... a work in progress. My middle is realizing that the economy and hiring freezes are everywhere, regardless of the season. My husband is working to keep it all together and running like a fine tuned machine and I... well... I'm not sure where I am.
I'm realizing that the older I am the less I know. The more I think I finally figured it out, I realize I never knew what "it" was to begin with. And just when I think I have it all together, I realize I forgot to buy duct tape to keep it that way.

Life is a little confusing, irritating, joyful, loving, and maddening right now.
I guess if we didn't have these little interruptions, we would grow complacent and not see the good in it all. So... in all things praise Him. I guess that's where I am... praising Him.

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I Heart the Container Store...

2009-11-16T22:50:00.006-06:00

We went there this afternoon to look for some crates for storage.
It was awesome! Until today I have only been to one other Container Store when we were in Austin. I wasn't as impressed with it there. I'm not sure why. Clearly, I must have been running short on time... or was I? Could my family have been averting my attention to avoid spending Saturday afternoons at a store that could capture my attention for hours on end?

I have this thing for office supplies. I don't know what it is, but nothing makes me happier than finding funky file folders and colorful magnets.
The minute we walked in my family had this look as if they had been pulled into a black hole. The best part, I was shopping for some things we needed at church so they couldn't make me leave!
This is actually our day off and we were really supposed to be wandering the mall with the guys so, believe it or not, I did try to hurry. Did they appreciate that? I don't think so. They had this look as though someone had shoved bamboo shoots under their fingernails.
Try as I might to make them appreciate the grander of household items and the 101 ways that pasta can be stored, they weren't buying it.
Honestly... they didn't really complain when we were in the store.
Then how do I know this was such torture for them?
As we left the mall, I heard Brandon say that if a terrorist ever wanted to get information from him, they just needed to take him there. He would tell them anything they wanted to know.

Nice.
Next week, I am vowing to find An American Girls Doll store to take them to.

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Roadblocks

2009-11-16T00:40:00.004-06:00

For the last year I've been really frustrated with my inability to sit down and write. Maybe I've thrown out a blog or two here and there, but nothing consistent.

I've even checked out books at the library to help motivate me - that didn't work. Most just tell you how to get published, or how to write a paragraph. Totally not what I'm looking for. I wanted something to kick me and scream "JUST DO IT!".

Several factors are really helping me to refocus on this awesome outlet.
One, I have a sweet friend that just started her own blog. Reading hers has helped to re-inspire me to add to my own.
The second? I finally found an awesome book that has helped me to get past all the roadblocks I set up for myself. It has blown all of my excuses away so that I have nothing left and at least take a few steps in the right direction.
Writing Brave and Free -Encouraging Words for People Who Want to Start Writing

The Ten Minute Exercise
In this book, the authors talk about The Ten Minute Exercise.
This is where you write about anything in any style you would like for ten minutes.
I have actually tried this before. Did it work? No.
So what makes me think it will help me this time? Nothing.
As a matter of fact, it's exactly that thought that keeps me from even trying.

I'm old enough to know that I'm really good at starting things - it's the follow through I struggle with. I've seen myself do it over and over only to fail at keeping up with the challenge. Oh, I've started strong and even kept different things/activities going for a long time, but they all fall by the wayside as life progresses. Sometimes it can take months to see something slowly unravel and sometimes it can drop as quickly as the next day, but rest assured I'm very aware of this struggle. So much so that I've let it stop me from even trying, especially something as public as the blog.

Enough! I'm tired of the guilt I've put on myself and I'm tired of not trying because of fear of failing.

In Writing Brave & Free I found this quote that I can totally hang my hat on right now.
If you want to start writing you have to start.
The road is made by walking.

So for now, I'm going to try writing for ten minutes a day. Some I may not post, some I will. Either way, I promise to give myself grace and learn to enjoy the process again.

It's good to be back.

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Marley & Me

2009-11-02T22:01:00.001-06:00

I finally watched it. I had been avoiding it because of the ending.
Just as I thought... I'm in a puddle of tears.

Gonna tell myself something I hate to hear.

I told ya so.

--

Loss...

2009-06-21T22:17:00.003-05:00

A young mom from our church was in an accident this weekend.
She was on a motorcycle where she and the driver were both killed.
Sara had not been around for awhile. She had a very difficult life, but she impacted those that she came in contact with.

If you have a minute, please pray for her children, they are 9, 4, and 2.

2 Killed In Motorcycle Crash In Larimer County

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Alex is now an official driver in the state of Colorado...

2009-06-20T00:14:00.003-05:00

Last week Alex took his driver's license test. I haven't posted much about this process (even though I have some great stories) as Alex embarrasses easily. Does that stop me? Well, usually... no. This time I didn't want to mess him up as he practiced by worrying whether I would post everything he did wrong. (Please note: The test has been passed and I will eventually have to write about some of them. Honestly, the boys scared me at first.)

So what happened during the exam?
I'm so glad you asked...
Alex's license stipulates that he must wear his glasses whenever he is driving.
When practicing he NEVER forgot.

Though halfway through his driver's exam, he realized he did not have them on.
hmmmm... what to do...
Even though he knew it would probably fail him, he put his turn signal on, pulled over to the side of the road and told the examiner, "I have to tell you sir that I'm driving illegally. I am supposed to be wearing my glasses." He then adds, "I probably just failed, huh?"

The examiner told him not to think like that and that he could finish the test.
Not only did he finish... he passed.

hmmm... guess it's about time I get my Colorado ID too, eh?

Tikvah

2009-06-15T15:58:00.002-05:00

About a week ago Brandon found a little bird.
I made this video to show how it tries to eat. Something happened during the making of the video and it became so much more. It was a very healing experience for me. Each time I watch it I cry. I wanted to share it with those of you who know Brandon well. I know that you can understand why my heart feels this way when I watch it.

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Some of the Most Beautiful People I've Ever Met...

2009-05-20T16:43:00.002-05:00

The new date for Africa is sometime in July - because of the swine flu.

Now, I have to admit, I am so glad that we didn't leave yesterday. If we had, I would not have had the privilege of meeting two amazing couples from Rwanda. Africa is moving to a more fluent English language so they are here for two months to submerse themselves conversationally. We are the first stop in this trip and so the language is still a struggle.

I was a little nervous at first. They understand more than they can speak. One of the wives is pretty fluent and able to translate some of what we said. But, honestly... the uneasiness melted away as I began to talk to these beautiful people. There was a kinship with them. Something that can't be reproduced, faked, or imagined. They are as genuine as you can get and I can honestly say it was/is a pleasure and honor to spend the day with them. I can't even begin to explain what this has done for my excitement level for the trip.

I should also tell you that they also met Elmer and really enjoyed it. They even took turns making him talk - so much fun!
They even experienced a Blacklight Storytime! They were so sweet and blessed us with an amazing prayer afterward. I was so touched... I just wept.

I'm so thankful that I will learn as much if not more from these beautiful people than they could ever learn from me.

Right now I'm thanking God for showing me not only how big He is, but how far and wide His love travels. We truly are one family, one love and in one Kingdom.

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SCORE

2009-04-29T00:19:00.003-05:00

The newest adventure God has us on...
SCORE - Reaching beyond borders to mentor, heal, & inspire!

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A Little Honesty...

2009-04-22T10:19:00.003-05:00

I don't know what's up with me lately.
It's as though I feel like I can't do anything right. All the things I can't get done seem to be heavy on my heart and mind. Then I feel like the worst wife/mother/friend/me in the world.
Yesterday was rough. I had a class last night and afterward a friend prayed with me. That lifted it and I guess I feel a little better today. I just don't know.

Sometimes I get to this place where God is doing something in me and I know I'm in a tough spot, but I also know that it will be better. I don't know how to explain it, but it's true and it is always better.
I just need to stay open to what He is doing and I'll get there.

I think some of it is that I don't have any time to myself lately and if I am alone, then I'm working on something or whatever. Yes, I go to the gym, but that's not really alone.
My husband goes with me. Please don't take that as a negative. If it weren't for him, I probably wouldn't go as much as I do. Hearing him say he is going or wants to go, drives me to jump in as well and I love it. Though even there I feel like I let him down because I take longer than he does. He can't do some of the leg machines because of his knees. I know he has to get tired of waiting around for me. You need to know he doesn't say that, it's just how I feel... defeated everywhere I turn. That no matter which way I go, I'm letting someone down.

It's the quiet times alone. I miss them. I have ADD and in many ways, I think it can be a gift. Then there are those times like now... when there is no stillness.
I have really wanted to go to Starbucks and bring a book to spend some time alone, but then I talk myself out of it. To much to do or to much of a pain to arrange.
The reality is... there's something about being alone that is really bothering me.

I've finally bought into the reality that I am "worth it" when it comes to eating well and working out... but as far as the quiet times. I think that is where my "worth it" is really tested.

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If Life were a Musical...

2009-04-15T11:01:00.010-05:00

even a day at the Train Station would be fun!

I found this on Facebook from a good friend of mine (Thanks Steph).
Why can't I ever be somewhere when this happens?
My luck - If I were there, I would be running late and not able to watch.

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Last Big Winter Blast... not.

2009-04-04T11:07:00.003-05:00

Yesterday we canceled all of our plans for this morning and set up early in the week because of a "massive winter storm" that was on its way.

This weekend we had quite a few things planned:

Club 54 Hits the Ice!
4th & 5th graders were heading out for a hang-out time at an inside ice rink here.

Painting & Egg Stuffing Party
This is a continuation of last week's Spring Spruce Up.
Why not buy eggs pre-stuffed? Minor Irritation...
Not only were they open, but they were filled with junk. I realize we're not placing pieces of gold inside this year, but it has to be better than chalk candy that looks like it was made in 1972.

Encouraging Words Outreach & Training
This one wasn't ours, but Brandon was really looking forward to it. Though honestly, regardless of whether they could have driven in it, it's a good thing they canceled anyway. I believe they are outside most of the time for this and there may not be any snow... but it is coooold! Meteorologists are safe on this one.

Over the years, you'd think we'd know better than to take to heart everything that is said in the news, especially when it comes to weather. Not saying the meteorologists don't know what they are talking about, but in all reality, God controls the weather and I think He likes to remind us of that from time to time.

So what's the worst that will happen today?
We are ready for tomorrow and are still able to head over to a friend's house for dinner tonight. Sounds like an awesome day to me.
Still... I can't help but miss those beautiful big fluffy snowflakes...

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It's the Little Things...

2009-03-27T13:13:00.014-05:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about some of the things I've learned about myself since turning 40. These are things I wish I would have known/realized when I was 20.

Now these aren't huge in the eyes of the world, especially in the second list (those just help keep me sane). They won't change my life forever, they won't save the world, nor will they put my kids through college. But I have found that these simple things can make a big difference in the way my day and peace of mind play out.

All my life I've been running and trying to slow down - only to slow down and see that it didn't make a difference. I've begged God over and over again to help me live my life and not just watch it go by. Then He showed me that He has been doing just that. I just haven't been paying attention. (Sounds a lot like my report cards in elementary school.)

Things that really make me pause and enjoy life...

Babies - They hold the true innocence and joy of God. I can't help but have tears in my eyes when I hold a newborn, or laugh when making silly faces at a toddler.

Fresh Cut Flowers - They are so bright and colorful. They bring life to any room.

Animals - I don't have to be holding one to appreciate them. No worries, I'm not in danger of becoming an old lady with 50 cats. But since we've moved to Colorado, we see a lot of animals all the time. Some wild, some on farms. I love watching the eagles soar overhead, or the baby calves run and play together. It's been amazing to see how even horses care for each other. Just driving by farms we've seen them nuzzle up nose-to-nose and just stand like that for what seems to be forever. We even saw a baby calf being born as we drove by. I tried to get Matthew to stop, but it's not exactly his idea of an exciting afternoon.
Animals show a fun part of God that I don't think other things can. His creativity is amazing.

Nature - This one doesn't always catch my attention immediately. Probably because it's all around. If I literally stop like I do with the others, I would never get anything done.
I can say that not a day goes by that I don't notice the beauty of the snow capped Rocky Mountains. There's also nothing like seeing the pine trees that hold snow by the handfuls after a winter storm.

Little practical things that make a big difference for me...

My house could be a complete mess, but if my bed is made and my room is straight - all is right with the world.

We could be totally broke and not have a dime to our names, but if I have two sizes of garbage bags (white kitchen and large lawn bags in the garage) then all is right with the world. Keeping an extra roll of paper towels in the cabinet even brings a feeling of rest. That may sound lame, but those are also the things that I'm most likely to forget to buy at the store. So I can let go of a tiny bit of stress somewhere.

When I turned 40... I just felt so cheated by time. It went to fast.
But on the flip side, I think I've come to some pretty big realizations about myself. I can remember about 5 years ago when Matthew came home one day to give me the day "off". He said I needed to go out and do something for myself that I would enjoy. You've got to be kidding! I didn't have a clue as to what that would be. I was actually afraid and drove around in circles for a long time.
I think I finally ended up at Sonic for a Diet Cherry Coke.

I'm very thankful that God is revealing to me exactly who I am in Him. Grant it, it's taken a while, but I can be a bit hard headed at times. I know... shocker!

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Finally...

2009-03-26T18:47:00.002-05:00

I have been wanting to change the whole layout of the blog, but had no idea how.
So, of course, instead of learning how and fixing it, I did the whole "avoid" thing.
That always gets things done so much faster, don'tcha think?

Unfortunately, it took me several hours to do so, so now I've lost my creativity to post.

So for what it's worth... There ya go.

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The Winner is...

2009-01-22T15:54:00.003-06:00

My biggest duh! moment of 2008

This year we sent out over 100 Christmas cards.
Unfortunately, only about 50 had addresses...

This is a sampling of them. I love it - if you can't read the stamp from the Post Office, it says, "Returned for BETTER address". Should read "Returned for ANY address, dork".
I'll blame it on the kidney stones and percocet.

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Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...

2008-11-28T23:33:00.003-06:00

Finally, our first real snow in Colorado and it's absolutely beautiful.

A little scary to drive in at one point, but still oh so gorgeous!

I'll put some better pictures up another time.
We just got home and I don't want to go back out right now.
That's the funny thing about snow, it's beautiful... when you're sitting inside by the fire. ;)

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Dilemma...

2008-11-23T05:41:00.006-06:00

Alrighty, I've worked hard not to put much on my blog about the "rocks".

But I've come to a point, that I just need to vent a little.

Over the last few weeks I've fought sleep... well, constantly.

The meds they have me on for the kidney stones make me uber tired. There have been a few times I would sit at the computer and contemplate tapping into the wisdom of Tom and Jerry by putting toothpicks between my eyelids to keep them open.

'member that? (If you're under 30, you probably don't.)

So this evening (or yesterday evening) we went out to dinner with some friends and I didn't think twice about having iced tea. I thought the caffeine would help fight the effects of the meds, which in turn would help me be more alert so that I could enjoy the evening. That probably would have been a fabulous idea if I only had a glass or two... not six. Hey, I'm supposed to be drinking a lot of fluids, right?

Which brings me to my dilemma.
It is now 5:37 am and I need to be up in less than an hour to get ready for church...

Do I go back to bed and watch the red numbers on the clock turn one at a time, or do I just stay up?

Tomorrow will be a long day. There is a play practice after church, which means we won't get home until 4:00ish.
I guess I can always hide in my office and sleep while Matthew and Ben are in rehearsal, but I was hoping to get a lot of stuff done in that time.

I think I may just stay up. You know what would happen if I tried to go back to sleep now, don't you? I would lay in bed, again watching the numbers change on the clock, and gently fall asleep at 6:29 am... just in time to hear the alarm go off at 6:30.

I'm praying God imparts some supernatural energy to get me through the morning.

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Bond... James, Bond

2008-11-14T12:48:00.006-06:00

My son, the movie man, has been anxiously waiting two years for the new James Bond movie to come out. The big event finally arrived last night.

You may be thinking, "Wait, that didn't come out until today" and you would be correct... midnight to be exact.
Of course, if you're like me, you may be saying, "They made a new Bond?" But I digress...

Actually, we've had a lot of fun with midnight premieres over the years. One of my favorite evenings was the time we went to see Spiderman 3. Not because of the movie, but the whole experience. Midnight shows can be a lot of fun with your family. It's definitely not something you get to do all the time and it's a chance to do something completely out of the norm.

Last night it was just Matthew, Brandon, Alex, and Ben, as well as Luke and Jamie from church. Totally a guys night out.

I guess I should say this is also one of the benefits of homeschooling. Not many students can go see a movie on a Thursday evening and get home at 3:00 AM.
They worked hard on Thursday to get ahead on Fridays work and therefore, got to sleep in a little later.
Ben has an oral presentation at 1:00 PM today. I hope he does something about that bed-head. He's looking a bit worn for the wear.

So, what did I do with a whole night to myself?

I slept like a baby.

Great news though!
When Matthew got home, he woke me up and guess what???
It was snowing... *insert picture of a warm heart here*
:)

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My Misconceptions about Geography...

2008-11-13T11:52:00.003-06:00

I always thought these were in Texas, but it turns out they're in Colorado.

Tumbleweeds

I thought the next one was in Colorado, but I saw more of it in Texas.

We'll blame it on global warming...

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My newest vice...

2008-11-12T11:30:00.004-06:00

Ode to Diet Coke

You were the best,
I was devoted so true.
Over the years,
my love for you grew.

In the morning,
you were always there.
Ice cold in the fridge,
ready to share.

We were so close,
your points I did keep.
I followed you around,
as if a lost sheep.

Since moving up North,
it's just not the same.
For some odd reason,
you began tasting lame.

I tried to keep going,
but something wasn't right.
Then came a new friend,
so I tried it one night.

In parts of the country,
it's quite the high-stepper.
But now in your place,
we drink Dr. Pepper.

Why do I feel as though I'm cheating on my soda...

--

Gut-wrenching...

2008-11-09T23:51:00.005-06:00

I came on tonight to work with some of the settings and post something fun and upbeat... until I ran across this article.

Words cannot express the sadness and anger that came over me when I read it - so I won't even try.

All I ask is that you say a prayer for these precious little ones...

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Browns, Oranges, Yellows, and Purples?

2008-11-09T00:41:00.006-06:00

I like the fall pic colors...
I like the color scheme for the blog...
I just don't like them together.

I tried using what was there and playing with the different font colors, etc.

I'm afraid I've made matters worse.

It looks like three different color schemes have merged, but not blended.

One of these days I'm going to have to break down and pay for a site.
I'm guessing that's when you get all the cool colors, templates, and more graphic controls.

Before I do that, I need to actually use my blog.

I've added a few things that I thought would remind me to come back more.
The Fall header - I never want to be one of those people who still have Christmas lights up in June. This would be a close equivalent.

The new "Books I'm Reading" list.
I've always wanted to add one, but I figured I'd probably forget to change the books out. Another equivalent of Christmas lights in June, just not as obvious.

A Child's Interpretation...

2008-10-26T19:26:00.003-05:00

A few weeks ago I stayed home from church.
That was the weekend that the kidney stone pain hit.

A friend of mine was looking for me at church and her son stopped and said...

"Oh, Ms. Tammy's not here... she's got rocks."

I love it! So matter of fact...

I got rocks. :D

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Slap Happy?

2008-10-18T11:47:00.002-05:00

I guess this is a combination of lack of sleep, tooooo much Diet Dr. Pepper, and just plain old good times.

Honestly, I love this. I can remember doing silly things with my friends.

You will want to have the sound on to your computer.
At the beginning Brandon yells something for a second and it sounds really loud because you're not expecting it. Don't turn it down though because the music totally fits this.

Caleb (their friend) did the editing. He did a great job, it's a lot of fun and... very silly.

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Sympathy Pains?

2008-10-17T22:32:00.004-05:00

Well... we took Pebbles to the vet. It seems she has a raging UTI. Poor thing. She is a mess. He said it could be something else (other than a UTI), but that would be really bad, so we're praying it's just this. She's on some strong antibiotics and I'm supposed to call and give them an update on her Monday.

As for me, I went to the urologist today. He said the stone is probably way to big to pass. He is scheduling me for one of a few procedures on Monday the 27th - the same week as Fall Fest... of course!

I'll know Monday which procedure they will opt for. The outcome depends on the x-rays I took today.
As for any surgery, we have to make it at least a week out to adjust all the blood thinner meds I'm on.

So as the post is titled... I think Pebbles is having sympathy pains for me.

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Can I share?

2008-10-11T18:49:00.005-05:00

The last few weeks have been a bit uncomfortable for me.
To explain, I need to go back a few months... like 12 of them.

About a year ago I had the "little URI that could" - or better yet, wouldn't go away. After some testing we found out I have two stones hiding up in my kidneys - one on each side (hey, at least I'm symmetrical).
Anywho, the diagnosis for that moment was easy, they're there. They may stay there, they may decide to leave at some point, but for now... they're just there.

Since then I've had a some nagging "flank pain" as they call it, but have not been concerned because I knew what it was.
Over the last two - three weeks it got a little more intense, but I've been so busy, that honestly, I haven't thought much of it.

Then about three days ago, other symptoms have come on: bloating, pain as if one of the stones have moved, upset stomach, and a few others I won't go into because it's just gross.
Believe it or not the worst symptom of all... fatigue.
Anytime I get up to do something I just want to go back and lay/sit down. I'm exhausted. I've had stones before, but usually when this part hits I'm on copious amounts of morphine in the hospital and couldn't care less how tired I am.

I went looking for pictures of a kidney stone to show you and I found the one below. On the site they call it a "kidney stone crystal" - sounds so much nicer, doesn't it?

Wanna know why it hurts so much?
Here's a picture of a kidney stone "crystal" under an electron microscope...

Pretty, huh? If it were a flower and not a raging crystal scraping the tissue within you as it tries to birth itself from a teeny tiny tube in your body!

The good news is that I went to the doc yesterday and he said there's no infection... so now,it's just a waiting game - whoopie!

Wanna know the really good news?
This is just the right side, some day I'll get to do this again with the left.

---

The Forensics of Daily Chores...

2008-09-16T12:33:00.005-05:00

Over the years my kids have done the whole, "I took out the trash last time" or "It's not my turn to empty the dishwasher" bit.
As any mom can tell you, there's a fine line of when we say, "I really don't care who did it last, I'm telling you to do it now" and wanting to also be fair about it all.

There have been times when we would trace what was thrown out in the last bag and who walked out the door with it, because they "remember" having trouble with the door handle and the bag at the same time (or something like that) - which, of course, is total proof and they would be acquitted by any judge and jury in the land.

In the year 2008, we have come to a whole new level of "proof".

I was flipping through my camera and came across a few pictures of the house. First, I was totally confused why someone would take purposeful snapshots of our home in disarray, so I asked around.

Child A wanted to prove to child C he took out the trash...

Child A wanted to prove to child C he cleaned the counters...

Last, but not least, child A would now like to prove to child C he emptied the dishwasher...

To a mother's eye this just proves that the chores need to be done as there is no "after" picture, but whatever.

To some this is just ridiculous, to others (clearly young siblings) it may be ingenious. The reality is that even though child A wants to go into Engineering, I'm really wondering if he should be thinking about a career as an attorney.

--

Updates Galore...

2008-09-08T00:22:00.013-05:00

Alrighty then, this weekend was the official Elementary launch and it was awesome!

Soooooo, with that out of the way, I've got some time to update tonight.
Hmmmmm... where do I start... how about two months ago at the end of June, with our first official visitors in Colorado - The McLellans.

While they were here we all decided to take a trip up to Rocky Mountain National Park.
On the way up (literally up), I let the boys use the camera to take some "pictures".
There are brief shots of the mountains - totally breathtaking - either that or you can't breath because you want to puke from the scenery flying by.
This is what I found on my camera...

No kidding, I have at least three of these videos on here with things just randomly speeding past. I need to take dramamine just to watch.

Since we had two kiddos with us, we chose Bear Lake because it's an easy hike.

Though that didn't stop them from venturing up a bit further.

Look! It's like "Where's Waldo?" Can anyone find Ben?

I did feel bad for some of the tourists as we reached the beginning of the trail.
To understand why, you need to remember that many people go up to the mountains for peace and quiet. Keep in mind that they are all being extra hush-hush so that they might see a few animals... and then a few families from Austin show up who clearly haven't seen snow in years!

Even with all the chaos, we didn't drive all the animals away.
There was one chipmunk that was what Brandon called Bear Lake's "Paris Hilton".

I'm actually as close as it looks like I am as I'm taking this picture. This little cutie clearly lives for paparazzi. She would turn her head from side to side and pose... that's hot.

We did get to see some other animals, but I wasn't fast enough with the camera.
Brandon and Raine won the prize for the best animal pic of the day. Here they are with the ever elusive pocket moose.

Sorry, a little bit of an inside joke there. Thanks for sticking with me.

At the end of the day/week we had an awesome visit and miss them tons.
Here are just two of the reasons why.

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The Verdict's in...

2008-08-23T23:40:00.003-05:00

It's carpal tunnel and enough of the sensation is gone in my hand for surgery.
They said I could also try a steroid shot, but there's only a 50% chance it will work.

I honestly don't know what to do.

The shot is cheaper - but if it doesn't work, I'll have to pay for the surgery anyway.
Pain? They said they're both about the same.
The shot has a quicker recovery time, but if it doesn't work, I'd rather just get it over with.

So here's where I'm at:
If you or someone you know had the shot, I would love to hear from you. I'm going to do a little research online too, but I'd like to hear from someone I know.

Until next time, just call me Lefty...

--

Much tougher than I thought...

2008-07-25T10:54:00.007-05:00

Well, to prepare my kids to get their licenses Matthew found an online practice test.

I found this out as we were driving to church one evening and he announced there was going to be in impromptu "pop quiz". Years of high school (no matter how long ago that was) have conditioned me to dread whatever comes next.
No worries though, this one was about driving. In the words of George Lopez, "I got this!"

Here we go...

If you're sitting in the middle lane (we were at a light) getting ready to make a left hand turn - which way should your tires be facing?
A. Straight ahead
B. The direction you are turning
C. Slightly in the opposite direction of your turn

The answer is clear to me... but maybe it's a trick question. Despite my wavering, I opted to go with B. Which, would be wrong. It's A - and if you got that right, here's a raspberry for ya - thbthbthbthb.

Of course, I am a hard sell and sure that the answer is B. So here I am ready to have a little "come to Jesus" moment with my husband. It has to be B, so that you can be ready for your turn, right?
I mean, clearly I would know. I've never had a traffic ticket of any kind and he, well he has.

While Matthew shared with the guys the reason for the answer, I was trying to figure out how I would tell him he was wrong and why!
This was when he shared with everyone that he found the online test and then he leaned closer to me and whispered that he failed it the first time he took it. Tooooo funny!

Alright, I took the defeat (for the moment) and decided I would go take this test myself. I may not have been a Chemistry genius in school, but "I got this!"

So today I took the test... I failed too! I think... I got a 76%. I'm guessing they don't want anyone with less than at least an 80% driving, though I could be wrong.
Part of the problem is that I over thought some of the questions. Sadly though, reality tells me that if I knew it, I wouldn't have had to think much at all.

Just in case you'd like to try here's the link -> Online Practice Test
Before you out of state bloggers give the excuse that this is a Colorado test, I want you to know that I learned to drive in Ohio and it can't be that much different than the one I took years ago. They're all the same laws that we've had to follow when we lived in several other states besides CO. No weird blizzard laws or mountain terrain. So if you were hoping to use that excuse, just know I already thought about it and it won't work. C'mon, it shouldn't be that hard. I gave you one of the answers.

Good luck!

--

You know you are loved...

2008-07-19T23:35:00.003-05:00

when people will pay to have this done to you.

Just in case you couldn't tell, that was Matthew... Very fun!

This is our senior pastor. His video came out the best.

There were a few other people who were dunked, but I didn't think to use video in time - so I just took pictures. Those pics didn't come out well at all. I'll have to wait for next year...

--

Do not be deceived...

2008-07-13T23:40:00.005-05:00

That's right! Do not be deceived by the deep sea lookin' jellyfish thingy.
It may also look like something out of the Matrix, or possibly something not of this world... unfortunately, it is.

This my dear friends is salmonella at it's best. Don't be distracted by the pretty colors. Run, I say, RUN! Do not come within a 100 foot radius and/or above all... whatever you do... don't... eat... the peppers!

As I shared in the last post Matthew had picked up a nasty bug (or so we thought).
It turns out that this little bug was, yes, salmonella.
Last week they added peppers to the list with tomatoes - which he ate on Sunday.
The man lost 11 pounds in that short amount of time and as tempting as it is to consider the possibility of the weight loss, I think I'll pass on his program.

I want to be able to share, literally, the miracle it is that he is better, but I would have to put some personal information up about him. Nothing weird, just bodily functions. Things moms talk about all the time, but guys just don't appreciate it being discussed. So, I'll try to give the summary without the details.

Matthew was put in observation on Friday, it seems his intestines were shutting down.
I called one of the guys at church to let them know what was going on, and he started the prayers. It just happened that beginning at noon that day they had just started 24 hours of prayer at the church (done quarterly I think). They started praying for Matthew and even called me to pray on the speaker phone. Right after that, Matthew was better... literally. Neither the doctor or I can explain to you why he was better for any reason other than God.
It was very cool and an excellent reminder for us that He is with us always and really does have things under control.

--

I heart Azo...

2008-07-09T19:19:00.003-05:00

Azo is my favorite product in the world... at least for this moment in time.

For some reason my body didn't think that carpal tunnel was enough, so it added a bit of UTI/Kidney Infection - aren't I a lucky girl?

Over the last few days, Matthew has lost five pounds! No, it's not the latest grapefruit diet, he's picked up a little somethin' special that won't let him get more than ten feet from a bathroom.

I really do plan to put updates on here, it's just been really difficult lately. Along with the new health issues we have we're still fighting with our internet company (every time our phone rings, the internet goes out). Matthew tried to get them to fix some router thing (sorry for you techno people out there, you'll have to get the real verbiage from him). They said they won't fix it and when we threatened we would switch to the cable company, they were so concerned, they said... "Ok".

Needless to say, we're keeping our satellite, but dumping the internet for cable.

--

New Fashion Statement?

2008-07-02T18:40:00.006-05:00

To me, it looks like my hands have been laced up to do some boxing. Well, at least that thought makes me feel tougher...

Some of you may remember that I had a short fight with carpal tunnel a few years back. I just had to wear the braces and rest my wrists for a few weeks. Well... it's back.

About two weeks or so before the move my hands started getting that tingly/numb feeling (at night it was especially painful). Fortunately, I found these lovely accessories and it has helped with the nights.
I probably need to wear them nonstop for about two weeks again, but I really don't want to do that right now (can you hear the violins in the background - waah, waah, waah).

Anywho, that's one of the main reasons I have not been posting. I have some great pictures from our trip to Estes Park that I hope to post soon, but right now - even as I type - my right hand is almost completely numb (and yes, I'm wearing my braces).

So for now, things will be a little slow moving and I haven't been good at answering emails so much right now. Please forgive the turtle like responses and posts. It just feels... weird - like my hands are either asleep, or really, really cold - and it helps when I'm not on the computer as much.

--

The Adventure Begins...

2008-06-25T11:30:00.008-05:00

Woo Hoo! Everything is now hooked up and ready to go... at least for the blog.

On Monday night, Matthew, Brandon and a good friend of ours, Raine, spent the night at our home in Austin with the dogs. Ben, Alex and I stayed at another awesome friends' home - the Forans. We had hopes and dreams of leaving at 5:30 am, but Matthew underestimated a bit how much time it would take to do some of the final packing. This was a good thing though for us, I didn't wake up until 5:15 am - AHHHHHHHH!

Several amazing things happened that morning.
When the guys began filling up the car on Tuesday morning (at 4:30 am), they found one of the sweetest ladies I've come to know at Gateway waiting outside, Heidi.
She came to our home at 3:30 am and slept in her car, because she wanted to be able to say goodbye before we left. OK, before you think she was a stalker, it was actually a very loving act. I mean, the woman slept in her car!?! If that's not a loving thoughtful send off then what is?
I felt very badly that I wasn't there to give her one last hug. So Heidi, grab ahold of that monitor right now, no really c'mon, you can do it.
Thank you for being such a sweet sister in Christ. I don't know what I'd have done without you. You have made it OK for me to cry at work and you were totally the "go to" person on moving day. Ms. Heidi, you rock!

Fast forward to the Foran's home - when I came downstairs there were three families and one of the boys sweetest friends (that I love dearly) there and God love them, they were all half asleep and totally exhausted, but they were there to send us off with love and prayers.

Erica brought two big scrapbooks with pictures and notes from all the families at Gateway. Every time I see those books my heart leaps. Thank you for such a special memory book... It's perfect!

It was such a crazy morning and I didn't have much time to think about the fact that we were really leaving until little Lily looked at me with those beautiful eyes and that tiny little voice and said, "Can I ride in your car?"
That did it and the waterworks began.
The wonderful thing about all of this is that I know (without a doubt) that we are eternally connected with all of them. We'll still stay in touch, visit, and until that time - we now have skype! :) (That's another post for another day.)

Alright then, so now we're on the road...

It didn't take long before this was the typical traveling position.

I think the best story of the whole trip has now become known as "The Wallet".
Yes, the big boo boo was mine. The most careful of the bunch.
At one point we stopped to get something (I don't remember what now) and stretch our legs a bit. We loaded back up in the car and began another long trek. About 45 minutes into it, Brandon said he had a strange feeling we should stop - like something was wrong. You would think I know by now to realize that the Holy Spirit also talks to me through my kids, but did I want to listen? No way... We had just gotten back on the road and wanted to put some miles in.
About three and a half hours later (could have been more), we finally stopped. Matthew walked behind the car and came to my window carrying something. It seems I had left my wallet sitting on the bumper the whole time... 3+ hours people! Let me show you what a miracle it is that it did not fall off.

Check it out.

How about that? Clearly, God was with us. I had everything in that wallet. Social Security Cards, Cash, everything.

I have to laugh and wonder how many people may have been following us hoping we'd hit one good bump. :D God is so cool!

Here are a couple of pics from a few rest stops we went to.

Oh, and one last thing! We passed the weinermobile. No free hotdogs, but they did wave. :)

--

A Beautiful Oxymoron...

2008-06-21T13:44:00.004-05:00

I love this picture. "Colorful" Colorado, but the only color you can find in the picture would be in the road signs. Tooooo funny!

On the other hand, look at those beautiful mountains on the left! I can see those from our bedroom windows - or at least some that look like those.

Well... we have made it. It was an awesome trip! No really, it was. I know all of you Texans wonder how we can say that considering we drove without air conditioning in our car, add to that three teens and two dogs - but it's true.

The only casualty we have had so far is Matthew. He woke up this morning with altitude sickness. So he's aptly loaded with Tylenol and fluids (and sleeping like a baby).

I hope to be able to put some pictures up later today or at least by Monday. My network card is messed up and my pc is running at 56k modem strength - remember when we all thought that was fast? (I guess I should use the term "all" loosely, remembering that I'm almost 40 and many of you are... well not.)

I also need to find either my plug for the camera or my printer to get the images on here. Woo Hoo! A Treasure Hunt!
There were some fun/crazy/wonderful things that happened on our trip that I want to be able to share.

--

Home Sweet Home...

2008-06-12T15:14:00.003-05:00

A few weeks back, I shared a house on the blog that we will be living in.
Well... to make a long story short, that house fell through and so three weeks before the moving truck was set to arrive - we were on a house scramble. We tried not to panic and just know that God would find a place for us to call home.
Once again He has taken care of us and has blessed us with the opportunity to stay and lease this home for a year or two. That will be more than enough time to learn about the neighborhoods and areas that we will want to make more permanent. Besides that, it's absolutely awesome!

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Cardboard Testimonies...

2008-05-30T22:59:00.006-05:00

A friend of mine posted this on another site.
Each of these are all amazing in themselves, but by the end... tears.
Each person says so much with only a few words. It's amazing how God can flip things around in ways we never could have imagined.
When you watch, take the time to really read and think of the pain in each of their lives. It makes the victory that much sweeter.
Then remember that this victory is yours as well...

--

Cool new Bible study tool...

2008-05-24T11:43:00.004-05:00

Check this out, I found it browsing around one day.
It has (like many of them out there) a great Bible in a Year listing,
but add to that the feature of journaling any notes you may have right along with whatever verse, tagging them for later, sharing your thoughts with others or just reading what others are saying that makes this very different.
You can choose the Bible version you'd like and your notes are saved forever... or I guess as long as the site exists. So if you're wondering what God was telling you the last time you read a verse, now you'll know (provided you write it in).

Really there are quite a few things that make this different, you'll need to check it out for yourself. This is just the beta version, more is on the way.
You can find it here.

If you sign up soon it's early enough you may be able to get your own name, or whatever name you would like without a million numbers attached to it.
Oh, sign up is free and no, I don't get anything amazing for refering others... hmmm... that I know of. ;)

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Forgive me Father, for I have sinned...

2008-05-16T23:10:00.009-05:00

In an attempt to save some money, I decided to trim my sweet little fluffy dog myself. Every time I do this, I promise myself it will be the last time - but for some reason, I never seem to learn my lesson.

While trimming I decided I could leave a little bit of hair on the top of her head for a bow! Sounds like a fabulous idea, doesn't it?

Ugh... I have turned my little fluffy dog into a gremlin. Just look!

Here's a picture of a gremlin (from the movie) just in case you forgot.

This is just wrong in so many ways.

Matthew said she looks sad because she can't go out and play with her friends anymore... she's embarrassed. :(
Well, the jokes on him - she doesn't have any friends. K, not as good of a comeback as I thought it would be.

Regardless, if she would keep her bow in, she looks kinda... cute... well kinda...
Look! She's even smiling for the camera.

--

Home Sweet Home...

2008-05-15T19:01:00.001-05:00

After weeks of scouring the internet and watching Craig's List (who knew?), we narrowed down a few houses in Colorado and Matthew sent them to one of the guys on the staff at the church. He and his wife spent some time checking them out (how sweet is that?) and we've been able to settle on the one pictured above.

Woo Hoo! That's a huge stress taken off.

Wanna see somethin' really cool?

Did you see it????

Look out the sliding glass door... *** SNOW ***

How fun is that?

--

A Mother's Day to Remember... Continued

2008-05-14T15:05:00.004-05:00

Here are a few more...

A Mother's Day to Remember...

2008-05-11T20:48:00.022-05:00

Yesterday was my last event to lead at church before the big move and I have to say that of everything I've been blessed to be a part of, this was the most personal.
It was a day for Motherless Daughters to come together, share, heal, grow and remember their mothers. Whether they have lost their mothers physically or emotionally, it was a time to remember them.
I have to tell you that I met so many amazing women and as I said that day, the common thread of a missing mother brings about a bond I can't explain. It really is true. It's not something you usually talk about in your every day conversation, but just knowing there are ladies out there who are experiencing the same thing is very comforting and, in many ways, solidifies a sisterhood of sorts.

When I started working on this, I had no idea of the impact that it would have on me. My mother died from lung cancer on August 19, 2004. We had a rocky road type relationship, but the last six months of her life (especially the last three) were amazing. I stayed in Cincinnati with her and my sister as she wanted to die at home.
The whole experience brought all three of us closer than I ever thought we could be.

For "A Mother's Day to Remember..." we began by sharing our stories with each other and then ended the day by planting a flower for our moms. We also filled out a card and placed it above the flower. (NOTE: We did this on Saturday. I can't even begin to tell you how many prayers my son and I prayed asking God to protect this little memorial overnight - and He did.)
I was so impacted by what these ladies wrote, that I asked if I could share some of them on here.
There are actually a few more I would really like to share, but have not had a chance to get permission from the women who made them. If I do, I'll add them later.

--

--
These are the flowers made for my mom (from my sister and myself).

--

The next few pictures were taken on Sunday between services...

Bitter Sweet...

2008-05-05T12:54:00.004-05:00

I don't even really know how to start this blog.
I'm at a loss for words... Can you believe it? I thought it would never happen.

I guess Matthew said it best when he said that for the last six months God has had us on a Spiritual journey. One that brought about an array of emotions for us and our family. Through this we also sought out two people that we love and respect dearly for wise councel. They know us well, they know the church well and better than either of those, they are not afraid to be honest with us. They were exactly what we needed at the time and have been a true God-send throughout this journey.

Over the last seven years we have loved the work God has allowed us to do and the family members that He has blessed us with in Austin. He has surrounded us with people who are more than friends, they are and will forever be truly family.

God sent us here to our church home with a purpose and a calling. Recently, He revealed to us that this mission is completed (for us) and that He has a new one. This is a bitter sweet time. I truly love our church, the city of Austin, and the people here (have I mentioned that yet?).

Through these months we've prayed and told God that if He wants us to leave, that we need Him to be really clear. (It's always strange when we tell God He needs to do something. Good thing He's bigger than that and knows our hearts.)
Well, He heard our prayers and was abundantly clear.

We started talking to a few churches, but they just didn't feel right. I should mention that through this we were also open to staying if that's what God wanted, but I figured you would already know that from the paragraphs above.
But then... there was this one church that just kept coming to our hearts in Colorado. Matthew had several conversations with them and for the first time we were actually getting excited about the possibility of a new adventure. So a few weeks ago, we took a trip. There were several things that I was really hoping to see/hear/know to confirm God's will for such a change.
One being that it would just feel like home. Honestly, I figured that would be the most difficult test. Details can be worked out, questions can be answered, but the feeling of home can not be made without God in it.
I can honestly tell you, from the moment we met the executive pastor and his wife our first evening there - we knew we were home. We didn't verbalize it yet, even to each other. God had told us to go slow... so we did.

Over and over again, God showed up. Answering every question I had - even the ones I hadn't been able to form in my head. We met some amazing people and just fell in love with the people in Colorado. We know, without a doubt, that God is in this.

He has so much for the church here (in Austin) still, I can't wait to see what they do and where God takes them in the years to come. There are incredibly faithful servants here and I know they are in an amazing place - which honestly, I feel has nothing to do with us. It's where their hearts are and where God has them. We have just been blessed to be along for the ride and it has been an incredible one!

I'll be writing more about the days to come, but we talked about this with the volunteers and leaders last night. So I just wanted to put something out that would sort of sum up our meeting last night about leaving.
I desperately want you to know our hearts and the love we have for you and the Lord. We will all still be working together, just in different cities. We'll be able to take what we've learned from you and share it with others. You have inspired us, taught us, served along side us, and most of all loved us as family and for that we are truly grateful.

--

What do you do between soccer games?

2008-04-25T17:50:00.006-05:00

Saturdays at the Soccer Field...

2008-04-25T17:08:00.004-05:00

Brandon playing for the Stars - April 25, 2008

I would love to know where he learned to do this. He's really pretty good.
It must skip a generation, or two, or...

--

Straight from the horses mouth.

2008-04-04T09:35:00.002-05:00

This may not make me popular, but I can deal with that.
I don't watch Oprah, but have heard things about her show from time to time.
Seeing her deceive the young Christian woman on there was so frustrating.

Before you watch, I do want to say that I know nothing about the book at the end. This is the first I've heard of it.

Wildlife Rescue

2008-03-31T12:44:00.004-05:00

I would love to do this one day.
I guess I'll add it to my own Bucket List.

Check out this albino fawn. How sweet is that? Though they probably have to raise and keep it. I can't imagine it ever being able to survive in the wild. Poor thing would never be able to hide.

Do earplugs work if you're trying to drown yourself out?

2008-03-26T07:12:00.005-05:00

Have you ever been sick of hearing your own voice?
I am. As moms we need to give our kids reminders quite often (and when you're ADD, that brings the ratio up to about 10:1).
I realized yesterday, that I am really good at something, though I'm pretty sure it's not a spiritual gift... nagging.

Ah yes, here it is. Proverbs 21:9
Better to live on the corner of a roof,
than share a [whole] house with a quarrlesome wife.
OR
Proverbs 21:19
Better to live in a desert than with a quarrlesome and fretful woman.

Though I may see these constant reminders as an act of service, I'm clearly driving my family to the desert.

See, here's the deal. When I walk by something that hasn't been done and I've asked nicely that it be done (several times) and it's still not done the next day... I'm now seriously irritated. So not only am I now giving the "How many times do I have to say..." speech, but they also earn the bonus track, "If you would just do things the first time I say it, I wouldn't have to keep saying it."

I remember my mother recounting a time of this same type of thing with my brother.
She opened the closet door and found something she had told him to put away days ago.
She yelled out to him, "That's it! This is the last time I'm going to tell you to do this!"
To which my brother replied, "Oh good, I didn't think you'd ever stop."
OK, not so funny when you type it out, but it actually was funny. It was a reality check. Clearly something's not working.

As moms we go through stages, actually... I think as people in general we do. I've always heard that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result. (I actually looked it up on dictionary.com and that's not it, but I get the irony, so work with me here.)
I have been beating my head against a wall and wondering why I have bruises.
Why do we do this? For others, it may not be with their kids, it could be anything.
I guess people have just done this... well, since the beginning of time. You'd think we'd recognize it and learn a little quicker.

I think when this happens, I'm most frustrated with myself. It's as if I'm not sure what to do to change things, so I don't do anything (so much for proactivity).

I guess today is a new day and it's time for a sit down talk. No, not with the kids and I, but rather with God and I. He's the only one who's been able to get me out of this before.

God speaks with a still and quiet voice and He's the creator of the universe. Is it any wonder why I am not getting results rattling away?

--

minor irritation...

2008-03-22T22:46:00.008-05:00

buying 8,000 prefilled easter eggs, only to find out twenty minutes before the egg hunt that they all broke open during shipping.

--

Rainy Day in Austin...

2008-03-10T19:24:00.009-05:00

It's a rainy day here in Austin so we decided to hide out indoors and just hang around the house. This seemed like a good opportunity for me to work with some of the things from my scrapbook collection. I love to purchase the supplies, but rarely do anything with them - ergo, my collection.

As I began sorting through this mountain of memories, I decided it was time to scan some old polaroids we have before they completely come apart.
The really fun part, they are pictures of Ben when he was first born. I haven't looked at these in years. Now seems like a good time to share a few of them with you.

Ben was born 8 weeks premature with intestinal issues.
Here is a pic of how his little life started.

Here he is a week or so later ready to eat anything he could get his hands on.
That diaper he has on is a preemie diaper. They are so tiny and yet they're so huge on him.

This is a picture of him about 2 weeks before he was ready to come home the second time. Benjamin was about 5 months old then.

It was a struggle, but what Ben went through changed the whole course of life for our entire family. When he came home from the hospital the second time, he had in-home nursing care. One of those nurses was Cheley, probably the sweetest lady I've ever met, who attended a church in Cincinnati. We decided to give church one more try and went to visit with her and... well, the rest is history.

--

unseen doorways...

2008-03-08T16:43:00.005-06:00

Today was a day full of surprises. Not the kind that come wrapped in colored paper with beautiful bows, but moments filled with new things, realizations, opportunities, and the true goodness of God.

This afternoon we took our son, Ben (15), to the airport. He’s going to be gone a little over a week on a mission trip to Los Angeles.
Wow! That sounds very calm and mature of me to say it like that.
Now let me tell you what my mother's heart is saying:
This afternoon we took my youngest baby son, Ben, to the airport (for his first airplane ride ever!). He’s going to be gone for eight long days and seven nights on a mission trip to Los Angeles.

*whew* Thanks for letting me get that out of my system.

Seriously speaking...

Something happened today. I was OK with him leaving, though I knew we'd miss him. I was good with what he'll be doing there and even excited about what God will show him while he's gone.

And yet... something changed today...
We watched as Ben made his way through airport security. I even stood on my tip toes to see him as he crossed through the final metal detector frame. At that time it just seemed to hit me... something changed.

It's as if there are so many doorways that we as parents must go through. Most we see coming and we meet them as they approach with open arms - whether they're good or bad - because we knew those doors were on their way. Sometimes we walk through them with all the celebration and fanfare as our child takes their first steps. Sometimes we walk through with tears and hugs as they learn some of life's toughest struggles as they become teens.

I learned today that there is one doorway that I never realized existed. I don't even quite no how to name it. All I can say is that it hit me as I could no longer see the top of his baseball hat on the other side of airport security. This door was not embraced with fanfare and celebration, nor was I able to give the hugs as we were yards away from each other with 94 security personnel between us. It did, however, come with tears.

Not tears of grief, not even really tears of sadness... I think.
It was just like a reality that my son has grown up. The last of my little boys has stepped towards independence. The youngest, who of all of them, was told he wouldn't live to see his first birthday.
There he goes. All grown up and not only alive, but thriving! The goodness of God still amazes me sometimes.

No, I wasn't sad. I'm very proud of him and the young man God is shaping him into. I guess, I was just overwhelmed with God's faithfulness that he brought Ben through such an amazing doorway. One that I never even realized was on its way.

I guess I always saw this milestone as the day he moves out - that was my visual doorway.

--

--

Beef o' the week

2008-03-04T06:41:00.005-06:00

Where we live there is a Discount Cinema about 15 minutes away. On Mondays it's only fifty cents to see a movie (just in case you're wondering, the movies are not in black and white). Pretty sweet, huh? I mean, where else can you take a family of 5 for $2.50? Of course, this doesn't include snackage, but we won't even go there.

Anywho, I was standing in line to see I am Legend watching a mom buy tickets as she half bent over to hold her two year olds hand. He was just toooo cute. I looked at the board and guessed that they must be going to see The Veggie Tale movie, The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything. How sweet.

After we get our tickets and the guys are fully loaded with the proper nutritional course for any good movie, we head in to find our seats. The previews had already started so it was dark, but we managed to find seats together.

About twenty minutes into the movie, I heard a child. A CHILD! You have got to be kidding me?!? If you haven't seen I am Legend, let me share with you why this is shocking as I do understand I had my three children with me also.

First, this is not a "horror" movie. If you know me, you know I don't do horror movies. It's just not entertaining to watch that sort of stuff for two hours on a big screen. But this is... an intense movie. Will Smith is alone in New York City. Because of a vaccine that was supposed to cure cancer, but instead ended up making people into... scary night things. He is immune and working towards a cure. Regardless, you can imagine some of the panic that a child would feel in a movie like this. If not, then go watch the trailer, then you'll understand. As for my kids, they are 15, 18, and 19. Though I can tell you there was much debate over whether our 15 year old could/should see it.

Back to the preschooler in the theater. I look over to confirm my fear and see that it is the same child that I thought was going to be watching vegetables take on the high seas.

I tried to give them a little credit and thought that maybe, some how, they had no idea how intense this movie would be and would probably take him out when it gets rough. My hopes were quickly dashed when I glanced back only to see that at one point the mom had pulled her head down in her jacket (like a turtle) because she was so afraid she couldn't look - as her little one sat next to her. WHAT? You have got to be kidding me! That's when I had exclaimed out loud (without realizing it), "That's crazy!" Even though it was dark, I know my son's face was turning fifteen different shades of red. So I piped down a bit, as there was no way I could sheild this little guy from what he was seeing and/or hearing.

Alright, I need to go and do something so I'll stop thinking about this, as I can feel my temperature rising and my heart hurting for this little guy.

--

Murphy's Law

2008-02-27T12:41:00.004-06:00

I copied this from wikipedia:
Murphy's Law - things will go wrong in any given situation, if you give them a chance

How about, "things will break in any situation, if you give them a chance"

-- or better yet --

"multiple things will break in every situation, you don't even need to give them a chance"

Yes, this describes the last several days at the Haney household.

Monday, Early Afternoon (on our way to the Bob Bullock Museum no less) our car breaks down

Monday, Evening: The vacuum breaks (irreparably broken)

Tuesday, Afternoon: The washer breaks (mid rinse cycle)

Could this not have been spread out over a few months?
Actually, it's brought a new appreciation for the things we have/had.

For now... we will be creative.

The car? We have two legs and can walk almost anywhere, not to mention we have teens with bikes and backpacks for shopping. Not such a bad deal.

The vacuum, ok that sucks. HA! Sorry I couldn't help myself with the pun.
Ever tried to use a broom on a carpet? Me neither, this is a job for a teen.

The washer... time to find the washboard and the big metal tub. I hope the boys don't mind prune fingers. Their hands will be sooooo clean.

All kidding aside, it's not that awful. Also, aside from popular belief, I don't work my kids to death - you need only see their rooms to know it's true.
Reality check:
The car will be done on Friday and then I'll work on the rest. In the meantime, I don't have to go to the store, vacuum the house or do laundry. Why does that not sound as appealing as I thought it would?

--

What does a Youth Lock-in look like the next day?

2008-02-23T12:29:00.005-06:00

--

--

Alex is probably going to breath a sigh of releif because the battery died in my camera...
Though I may find one some extras yet and I'll be sure to update.

It's now 12:30 pm while they sleep and, I might add, the house has never been quieter...

--

Peace in the Morning

2008-02-20T08:18:00.005-06:00

Lately it seems that there is so much going on I just don't know which way to turn, but God has given me a new gift... mornings.

Yes, that's right, I actually said it. I now love mornings.
I used to loathe them. I'm still not naturally a morning person per se, but when God wakes me up (and I actually get up) it's so peaceful.

This morning has been especially soothing, because of a combination of things.

I was posting on a Christian prayer board that I've been going to for... ten years?
I don't know, a long time.
A friend had posted a beautiful worship cd for me to look into.
So I pulled that up... awwwwesome... like a slice of heaven when it comes to peace.

Next I pulled up the africam just to see what was going on at the watering hole.
As I listened to the worship, I was able to watch a family of monkeys playing together and I could also faintly hear the wind in the background... Alrighty, I'm going to use a word my mom used to use and my sister and I would laugh all the time when she said it, but it fits perfectly to what I'm seeing this morning... glorious.

Try it:
First pull up Music

Now pull up a new window for the africam (hopefully, there will be something there).
It's now full of life from the monkeys to hooved creatures (not sure what they are).

After trying to use my links, I realized you may need the actual address so that you can get both up at the same time.
Music - Kari Jobe - www.karijobe.com
Africam - www.africam.com

Enjoy...

--

Dancing Goldfish

2008-02-17T23:31:00.006-06:00

That's right, dancing goldfish.

We had a beta fish once. He taught himself how to jump out of his tank. To bad he liked to practice when no one was around.
(Insert moment of silence here.)

As for the goldfish, you have to watch the whole video to see that it's more than just "round and round they go".

Ah c'mon, you know you're impressed too!
Not to mention the music is a real toe tapper.

--

A memwhat?

2008-02-06T15:07:00.001-06:00

Well, needless to say, it's been awhile since I've posted.
No particular reason why. I guess I'm just a little overwhelmed with life and experiencing some burn out, but who isn't this time of year, right? (If you're not, please don't tell me and ruin my feelings of normalcy.)

Some of you may be familiar with a the current traveling game for bloggers called meme-ing.
From the little bit of research I did on this, it can be pronounced to rhyme with either "dream" or like the beginning of "mem"ory.

Anywho, a wonderful friend from my small group (Lisa - Put It On the List) apparently thought I needed a topic for posting since I haven't done so in... well... OK, it has been awhile. So she tagged me to do a meme.

Here's the deal, once you've been tagged there are a few things you need to do. The first is to list the rules of this blogging phenomenon (I'll put them at the bottom of the post). Other than that, I need to list six random non-important habits about myself (readers: today is your lucky day).

My Six Non-Important, Habits, and/or Quirks
I'll do them backwards like a Letterman Countdown, though they really are in no particular order, it just seems more fun that way.

6. I will only wear dry socks.
I can't stand to have wet socks on. Before you jump to the conclusion that I'm under the impression that normal people wear their socks in the shower, let me explain.
Let's say you have taken your shoes off at home and only have socks on. You walk into the kitchen and step in a drop of water by the sink.
I hate that feeling! I have to change my socks immediately, no matter how small that drop of water is. It's just... icky.

5. I like to pogo.
Since just the thought of slamming my feet up and down on a metal pole sends me screaming to the medicine cabinet for Tylenol, I'm clearly not talking about the stick.
Pogo is an online game community or whatever you would like to call it.
It's my biggest time waster.

4. I have a love/hate relationship with Post-it notes.
Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. ADD can cause you to forget things, so I keep everything where I can see it - ergo, post-it notes are littered all over my monitor, desk, notebooks, etc.

3. I read Rosie O'Donnell's blog.
Though Rosie and I believe and disagree on many different things - there is something that draws me to read her answers to her fans (and not so much fans) in her "Ask Ro" section. It amazes me the questions that people will ask someone just because they are famous. I have been a fan of hers for since The Rosie O'Donnell show.

2. I like reality shows.
Alright, chill out, not all of them.
We regularly watch The Amazing Race, The Biggest Loser, American Idol, and Ace of Cakes. Though I don't know if that last one really counts as a reality show, but it doesn't exactly have a storyline so I'll assume it is.

For the last one, I had a really hard time coming up with an answer, so I asked my son. Of course, I dove right into this conversation with the impression that he would not know any weird quirks that I have. HA! Never ask your teenage child if you have any oddities to your personality. I could probably write a small book with some of the answers I received.
But I settled on this one:

1. I like musicals and now regularly listen to their soundtracks.
I seem to go in cycles for the ones I listen to. The two in my CD player right now are from Hairspray and The Little Mermaid. (Stop laughing, you know you want to be under the sea too!)

So there you have it. There is the first part of the meme.
The second part is to tag six random people to do this and then leave a comment on their blogs.

Decisions, decisions...
One I'm going to pick, but cannot link to her blog (sorry). It's private and I don't think she'd appreciate me outing it to everyone here. I'll also choose Jennifer, because (like me) she's fallen behind a bit on her posting. How about Les & Desi I'd actually love to hear some of their new quirks now that they are parents almost three times over. OH, I know, let's do a kiddo - how about Abby!?!
Last, but not least, how about MTC who is an amazingly strong Christian that has helped a lot of people over time. Note to MTC: I realize your website is more for inspirational stuff and focused on God, so if you choose not to do this, I totally understand - no pressure.

As promised here are the rules:
(1) Link to the person that tagged you.
(2) Post the rules on your blog.
(3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
(4) Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
(5) Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

Now I must go leave my comments.

Stereo Instructions

2008-01-10T04:55:00.000-06:00

I have realized that "Learning Styles" are just as important when you're older as to when you are young and in school.

Case in point...

I received an incredible digital camera for Christmas - thanks to my awesome sis, Nana. It's so perfect, point, click - and wallah! Picture!
I always promised myself that when I got a digital camera I would not let the pictures/videos pile up on it so that I don't have to take care of a 200 at once. Needless to say, the memory started with over 900+ and I'm now at three hundred something... I guess I'll add that to my resolutions for the new year.

Here's the deal. I don't like to take the time to follow the directions. Honestly, it's just not my learning style. To really figure something out, I have to be taught as I do it myself. Some people can totally "get it" by just reading... I so wish I could. Though this should not deter me from at least trying... or so you'd think.

Anywho, how hard can this be, right? I'll just put the plug in the camera and the other end in the computer - because I'm so high tech, I know where to plug it in - this will be a breeze.
The camera screen comes up (I'm so the bomb). It asks how I would like to download them. I click my choice and... nothing. Surely, it must not be plugged in all the way. I then notice that the camera is off while it's plugged in. That has to be the problem. I spend (no kidding) 25 minutes trying to keep the camera on while it's plugged into the computer. You see, most people would consult the user guide.... but clearly, I don't need it.
My next step is to ask my son, oh computer guru extraordinaire, for help. Obviously, the camera is broken. He walks in looks it over and simply asks, "Did you read the instructions?"
Well... ummm... no...

He's not being flip, this is just how he learns. He reads up on everything he can find about a subject and then dives in. He's so not like his mama.
Alex checks up on it and sees that the camera is not supposed to be on when it's plugged into the pc... you've got to be kidding me...

The good news is that the camera is not broken, it's the user.
I told him not to worry about it, that I would read up on it and finish it myself.
I can honestly say, that I started with good intentions. I not only opened the user guide, I searched it .

Needless to say it's now 5:30 am, Alex gets up at 8:00, so I guess I'll have it all figured out by 8:22.

Diamonds in the Rough...

2007-12-29T13:18:00.000-06:00

Where to start...

As I said in my last blog, we've been fighting head colds, etc.
Believe it or not, I was actually happy when it hit me before Christmas - thinking it would be gone before the big day... silly me.

It looks like 2007 still held some surprises in store for our family.
Let's take a look at what they could be...

After hacking until I could no longer breath, I decided to go to the doctor on Thursday. Good news! I'm not just sick in the head... It's moved to my chest. I now have bronchitis... again.
(Bronchitis is the gift that keeps on giving as it will keep you hacking for four to six weeks. This is a nontransferable illness and void where prohibited.)

But wait! There's more!
By late Thursday afternoon Ben tells me his ear is bothering him. Nothing bad, and he's a teen so from his description I attribute it to a blemish in the ear canal. Since it's an hour before the doctor closes, we decided we would go the next day also knowing that they were booked, because we were just there for me.

Fast Forward to 10:30ish PM. Ben is now in tears and I feel like the worst mother in the world for trying to put this off until the next day.
Early Friday Benjamin heads into the doc to find out he not only has an ear infection but he has ruptured his eardrum as well.

But wait! There's still more!
Friday morning Brandon is still struggling with what seems to be an allergic reaction under his eye. This is an easy one for a mom, right? Wrong.
My thought is to take Benadryl and place some ice on it. When he gets home from work, it's even bigger. Now once again, we are within one hour of the doctor's office closing. You would think that I have learned my lesson and would call anyway, right? Absolutely... not. Since he works at a place with lots of animals, I think it's something to do with that so I give him more Benadryl and ice and tell him to rest.
I should also note that besides this golf ball size swelling under his eye, he's acting just fine. Any mom will tell you that when your children can still pick on each other, they're on the mend. I'm here to tell you ladies that this is not always true.

Fortunately, I have a wonderful friend who lives down the street and who happens to be a nurse stop by to help us figure out what this mystery mass/bump/lump/looks-like-you-should-see-what-I-did-to-the-other-guy thing is.

It turns out it's nothing less than cellulitis. Lovely. I'm o for two in the mom department this week. So as I type Matthew has taken him to get some emergency care.

I would love to tell you this is the end of the story, but it looks like it may be continued. Alex woke up with a cough that matches mine and a sore throat to boot.

What really stinks is this was a vacation week for Matthew. So instead of enjoying his time off, he's been busy with the Days of our Lives and running Haney Hospital.

Alright, so God wants me to praise Him in all things...
In some ways this ones a thinker. I mean, I could hit the usual, "thanks for my family, thanks for our home, thanks for yadda, yadda, yadda..."

But as I was contemplating this, it was actually a really cool God and me moment.
Even though I failed miserably at being a mom these past few days, He gave me some real gems to hang on to.

The night before I went to the doctor, I remember two things. Coughing and hacking until I couldn't breath and receiving a gift from Brandon.
He went to the store and bought some fun trinkets, a cooshie pillow and a card. The card was funny and wished me well, but it was the thought that struck me. He actually took the time to go read cards and find one he liked for me. Inside he wrote that he loves me and hopes that I feel better soon. Now, that may seem fairly normal to some of you, but I think this is the first real card Brandon has ever bought for me on his own, and not only signed (without me having to hound him to do so) - he did it in his own name no less (not a video game character).

Another precious memory that I will have forever is when I fell asleep watching tv with Ben yesterday. When I woke up, he was turned towards me (also asleep) cuddled in as he did when he was just a little guy. Boy do I miss those days, but thanks to this crazy time, I am able to thank God because He gave me one more of those special moments.

A Partridge in a Pear Tree...

2007-12-22T13:11:00.000-06:00

I can't believe it's been so long since I've blogged.
Yes, it's Christmas and we're all busy, but this is usually my sanity outlet.

Because my head is so full of a nasty cold and I feel as though I'm traveling through a never ending tunnel of snot - I thought it best to make use of my musical talents. What musical talents you may ask? Well... I have none. My gift to you is that you will be reading it as opposed to listening to me sing it.

The Haneys 12 Days of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me
A head cold and sleep by the tv...

On the second day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me
Two Tylenol,
And a head cold and sleep by the tv...

On the third day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me
Three teenagers arguing,
Two Tylenol,
And a head cold and sleep by the tv...

On the fourth day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me
Four dozen cookies,
Three teenagers arguing,
Two Tylenol,
And a head cold and sleep by the tv...

On the fifth day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me
Fiiiive Chriiistmas Parties!
Four dozen cookies,
Three teenagers arguing,
Two Tylenol,
And a head cold and sleep by the tv...

On the sixth day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me
Six(teen) loads of laundry,
Fiiiive Chriiistmas Parties!
Four dozen cookies,
Three teenagers arguing,
Two Tylenol,
And a head cold and sleep by the tv...

On the seventh day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me
Seven days of shopping,
Six(teen) loads of laundry,
Fiiiive Chriiistmas Parties!
Four dozen cookies,
Three teenagers arguing,
Two Tylenol,
And a head cold and sleep by the tv...

On the eighth day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me
Eight hours of cleaning,
Seven days of shopping,
Six(teen) loads of laundry,
Fiiiive Chriiistmas Parties!
Four dozen cookies,
Three teenagers arguing,
Two Tylenol,
And a head cold and sleep by the tv...

On the ninth day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me
Nine TV specials,
Eight hours of cleaning,
Seven days of shopping,
Six(teen) loads of laundry,
Fiiiive Chriiistmas Parties!
Four dozen cookies,
Three teenagers arguing,
Two Tylenol,
And a head cold and sleep by the tv...

On the tenth day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me
Ten cups of coffee,
Nine TV specials,
Eight hours of cleaning,
Seven days of shopping,
Six(teen) loads of laundry,
Fiiiive Chriiistmas Parties!
Four dozen cookies,
Three teenagers arguing,
Two Tylenol,
And a head cold and sleep by the tv...

On the eleventh day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me
Eleven days of planning,
Ten cups of coffee,
Nine TV specials,
Eight hours of cleaning,
Seven days of shopping,
Six(teen) loads of laundry,
Fiiiive Chriiistmas Parties!
Four dozen cookies,
Three teenagers arguing,
Two Tylenol,
And a head cold and sleep by the tv...

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me
Twelve days of varying temperatures,
Eleven days of planning,
Ten cups of coffee,
No wonder I'm so sick,
Eight hours of cleaning,
Seven days of shopping,
I know you're so singing,
Fiiiive Chriiistmas Parties!
Four dozen cookies,
Three teenagers arguing,
Two Tylenol,
And a head cold and sleep by the tv...

Merry Christmas :)

A Purply Sort of Day...

2007-12-08T21:39:00.000-06:00

Well... we did it.
My son now has bright purple hair.
This is more of a follow up to Somewhere Over the Rainbow

It was actually a lot of fun, though I still only imagined coloring hair with my daughter one day, this will have to do.

To begin, he bleached it first, which was actually more startling than the purple. I'm not kidding - you needed sunglasses to look at him!

Then the color went on today.
Unfortunately, the internet is down on my computer so I can't get a real picture for you. So with the aid of Google, I searched high and low to come up with something that would be close.

Here he is (minus the girly dress and green nose).

Honestly, I can't wait to see if he glows in the blacklight tomorrow at church. :D

20 Years & Counting...

2007-12-02T19:42:00.000-06:00

Matthew and I celebrated our 20th anniversary a few months ago.
I can't even begin to tell you what a special time it was.

He took me on a surprise trip to Fredricksburg to a B&B.
One night we spent the evening playing games and listening to a CD he made of all the top songs from the year we were married.
He found a bunch of fun facts about the year we were married and we laughed through those the next night.
I did, however, find it interesting that on the CD of songs he made, he didn't add the one we considered to be "our song". I found out why, the next day... he put it on a DVD which has to be one of the best gifts I've ever received in my entire life. A DVD of our twenty years together (linked on youtube below).

There are a few pictures that just mark the ministry and transitions we've gone through. One that we are both in (but you would never know it) is the one where the kids are in a Chapel/Clubhouse/Church/whatever-you-wanna-call-it/show sort of picture.
He and one of the other ladies in the ministry are leading the class and I was doing the puppet (so I'm behind the stage).

Anywho, you must also look past the never changing hairdos.

ADDED NOTE:
The "wedding pictures" you see of us (with our children in them) are actually pictures from our tenth anniversary, we were able to do a vow renewal.
It was a really awesome time and came together in weeks.

We were originally married by a Justice of the Peace. I always used to say that for our ten year anniversary we could renew our vows, but honestly, I never believed it would really happen.
Weeks before our tenth anniversary Matthew said he wanted to just check and see if the church was available and it came together practically overnight. Once people heard what we were looking to do, they wanted to help and that's really how we were able to have a "real" wedding. Another gift from God.

Back to the video:
I cry every time I watch this. I realize how blessed I am to have such a wonderful family and that God has enabled me to be here with them every step of the way.
The journey has truly been a gift...

Rewards...

2007-11-21T21:25:00.000-06:00

And then sometimes... after a long day of cleaning...
God brings a special reward full of smiles.

I know it's a little blurry, but isn't he just tooooooo cute?!?

Ta - Da!

2007-11-21T16:51:00.000-06:00

To understand this post, you'll need to start two posts below and read your way up.

Just in case any of you were curious about my progress - I just now finished. It's 4:50 pm.
I took advantage of my breaks, but they did keep me on track and I'm done - can you hear the roaring crowd behind me?
I didn't do breaks every 15 minutes, well sometimes I did, but it was usually a half an hour to 45 minutes.

As much as I absolutely LOVE this floor, I hate cleaning it. It has little crevices in the stone that you have to scrub add to that my obsession for avoiding any and all wet dog hair, makes this a formidable job to do.

Rosie sheds like there's no tomorrow. We love her dearly, but ugh! Living in Texas I've never seen a real tumbleweed, but balls of fur rolling across the floor are a regular sighting in Austin. :P

I don't know why, but wet dog hair totally grosses me out (unless I'm giving the dog a bath - I'm not totally odd). Whenever I mop, I have to sweep each section three to four times and get out the vacuum just to make sure. Then I block everybody from the area (they might drag some in).

Anyway, it's an event.

I guess I should say I did get more done than just the floor in the five hours. I cleaned the walls and doors.

Have you ever tried those Mr. Clean Magic Erasers?
It looks like I painted the walls! Absolutely awesome.
Alrighty, I'm starting to sound like a commercial.

Have a great Thanksgiving everyone.

Progress is slow...

2007-11-21T12:45:00.000-06:00

Update on my last post...

Evidently, my theory of not wanting to stop cleaning once I started... has flaws.
I am now at 10 minutes of "me" time.

Bribery...

2007-11-21T12:14:00.000-06:00

I'm not above it. I am, however, embarrased to admit that I'm bribing myself right now. That's right, myself.
We've been cleaning for two days to get ready for Thanksgiving. OK, not all 48 hours, but trying to do it at a pace that won't kill us.
This and the fact that Matthew's on vacation (vacation is synonymous with Spring Cleaning around here), but I digress...
I thought going slowly would make me able to stay interested - you know, slow and steady wins the race? But I'm so not buying it.
It's like I'm the mother and a two year old all rolled into one. I just don't wanna do it, but I know I need to.

So, I've now resorted to bribing myself.
I set the timer for 15 minutes so that I can come on here and just goof off. Then I'll set the timer for 15 minutes to work. If I really want to stop working after that (as if), I'll do ten minutes to myself and still 15 for work. Then I'll go down to 5 minutes for me and 15 for the cleaning. As you can see, I've done this before. The good news is that once I begin my task (whatever it is that I'm avoiding) I don't want to stop - I just want to get done. Here's hoping!

Lovely, the timer just went off. I wonder if I should start over since I was blogging the whole time?
No, time to make the donuts...

Sweetness and Truth, all rolled into one...

2007-11-17T14:37:00.000-06:00

Logan is a 13 year-old boy who lives on a ranch in a very small town in Nebraska. Logan listens to Christian Radio station 89.3 FM KSBJ which broadcasts from Houston, TX. Logan called the radio station distraught because he had to take down a calf . His words have wisdom beyond his years.

God does have a sense of humor... He gave me boys.

2007-11-10T22:26:00.000-06:00

It's been awhile since I've blogged.
Honestly, I've just felt like I have... blogger's block.
Is there such a thing? I don't know, but it sounds appropriate.
I think I'm looking a little too hard for topics.

To find this elusive thing called inspiration, I decided to ask my teen boys for help. Now there's a brilliant idea.
The brief conversation went something like this:

"I need to blog something guys, what should I write about?"

Ben: "Me! You should blog about me."
Ah it's nice to see the modesty we've instilled in our children really shine in moments like this.

Me: "What exactly should I say about you?"

Ben: "I don't know, I broke my arm - you could write about that."

So, here we go...

Ben fractured his wrist and he's a bit of a drama king. (Ben, how'd I do?)

Alright, not really, I just like to tease him. Ben has the beginning stages of osteoporosis (I don't know how it's spelled, so just pretend that's right).
The funny thing is that his breaks/fractures always happen at church. I guess better there than at home. I'd end up with CPS at my door.
This time it happened when he was at a Youth Retreat.
Exactly how did it happen you may ask?
He tried to jump over a tennis net... and missed.

He just got his cast off about two weeks ago and has been wearing a brace. The really gross part... he kept the cast. OK, I totally get that your friends signed it, but yuck!
That thing is... well... yuck... he's such a boy.

There it is. Tell me, does that scream antibacterial cleaner, or what?

Alrighty then.
Broken arm subject - check.

Moving along in my conversation on what to blog about, Alex had a different answer:

Alex: "Write about Brandon and the salsa today!"

This... well... this is almost as gross as the cast.

Today the Dads Group had a breakfast at the church.
I was there getting all of the paperwork together and doing some debriefing/hanging out afterwards (just in case your wondering why I'm at a Dads event).
Long story short, they had breakfast burritos and there was a quart of salsa left.

The next thing I heard were some of the guys saying things like:
"Do it dude!"
"No way! You won't do that!" (That right there clinched the deal.)

The next thing I know, Brandon's standing in the hall drinking the salsa... the whole quart.
Yep! That's my boy. I'm so proud.

Really, he's a great young man.
He'll just have to learn this lesson the hard way... what goes in, must come out.

Switching Gears...

2007-11-06T05:59:00.000-06:00

Finishing... anything.

Now there's a true task for me. I have learned something about myself over the years... I'm not a great finisher. I love to start things, get them going, and keep them going, but closure for some reason is difficult for me -- especially when speaking of a task.

Maybe that's one reason I enjoy ministry so much. It's never finished. There's always something new and exciting that God is doing, but there are also things that need to be completed.
I've kind of concluded that this is one reason I even have trouble stopping what I'm working on, even if it's just for one day.

My most difficult day for life is Thursday. It shouldn't be.
I guess I should say it's one of my most difficult and most loved days. Why?
Loved:
I get started on my day early and accomplish a lot.
I get out of the house.
I get to work on things I love.
I get to work with people I love.
I come home and work with my kids.
I get to teach them and enjoy life with them.
What's not to like, right?

I have trouble switching gears. Once I've been at the office and have my mind on all of the things I need/want to do... well, it's just hard to stop.
It's like yelling, "CHARGE!" and then someone saying... "PSYCH! I was kidding."
*Psych - now there's an old word. It was an '80's term that means "NOT!" for you youngins out there. ;)

This is something God's had to work on with me most of my life.
I guess it's a bit different from your typical ADD personality who can thrive on switching gears constantly. I can multitask well, but usually in the same subject or mode.
Example: School - I'm usually working on three subjects at once. Ministry - same thing - three or four tasks at a time, switching back and forth as if coming down a ski slope.

Back to Thursday -- as the day progresses, it gets easier. Once I'm resigned to completely change modes, then I can do it. It's my own stubbornness that makes it harder on myself than it needs to be.

So there it is.
Not particularly funny or interesting, just where I am personally.

In many ways, it comes back to patience. Ugh! Patience again? I feel like that's one of those things that never goes away. God's continuing education plan for me. Patience. I am very much a person of convenience. If it's convenient for me to work on something right now, I want to do it.

Alright, as I said at the top of this post, I have trouble finishing things and now I'm finding myself rambling and hitting the backspace button more times than I'm actually completing a sentence.

Life is Precious, Life is Sweet...

2007-11-03T09:43:00.001-05:00

This has to be one of the most touching articles I've read in a long time.
Totally an amazing miracle!
Twinseperable!

Somewhere Over the Rainbow...

2007-10-22T14:44:00.000-05:00

One of my sons, Brandon, likes to wear his hair long. I really don't mind, as long as it stays clean and he takes care of it (which he does). He's a good kid/young man. He looks rough on the edges, but he seriously has a big heart.

OK, so I can deal with the long hair, but what do you do when your son now wants to color it, not brown, not blonde, but like... purple? I used to be really against this and I mean really against this. I think more so because I was afraid of what people might think of him (or us). Yes, that's right. When it came down to it, it had a lot more to do with my own pride than anything else.
Regardless of the reason, we had made the stand - said no - and it was non-negotiable... until about six months ago, when I (yes, I) colored my hair pink.
Pink!?! Me?!? Can you believe it?!? I lived through the 80's and never did that stuff.
Before you need to pull on your Depends trying to picture it, please note that it was not my whole head of hair. Even in a moment of temporary insanity, I don't want to look like a giant Easter egg from the Dollar Store. It was just a small section on the top of my head. Our whole team did it, but that's a whole different blog for another time. Let's just say I blame Sarah for it, or more to the point, I need to thank her for it.

I was really embarrassed that first Sunday, I remember telling literally everyone I passed in the hall why my hair had this odd color in it. I was so afraid of what people would think of me. Looking back now, it was a lot of fun. We took pictures together and laughed... a lot.
Even with the laughter I do want to note that this is not something I'm looking to repeat anytime soon. I will, however, continue to color my hair, because this is a habit that just won't die. The reality is that I've had more product on my hair than L'Oreal, Revlon, and Clairol can make in one year. But, when it comes down to it, the ROY G BIV spectrum just isn't my thing.

Unfortunately now, after all of this, I have a new issue... to my son - hair color is open game.
We told him that since I did it once, he could too. So he bought some purple and put it on a small portion on his hair. It actually looked OK.

The next time, he decides he wants to cover his whole head purple... and he tells Matthew first - big mistake!
Matthew's eyes got wide and suddenly he finds a "look" to give me.
Here is where my own life lesson pays off:
I, for a change, am the one that remains calm. I'm actually able to talk to Brandon without freaking out. Ergo, I could reason with him a bit.
Since I was able to stay calm and not see this as an attack on my parenting we were really able to talk about it. The really awesome part was (because I could stay so calm) he didn't see what I was saying as a defensive strike to rebel against, but rather seasoned advice on hair color. From there we were able to talk about options and finally settled on a few streaks here and there.

I have slowly learned to deal with my fear of what other people think.
I can't make everyone happy and I don't need to put that pressure on my kids.
The most important point (above all) is that Brandon loves Jesus, his family, and others. He's a hard worker, loves to serve others and (though he may not admit it) is a big hearted guy.

I can't say I'm thrilled in any way, shape, or form that he likes to color his hair, but I totally need to pick my battles and this one is really nothing compared to the things I see other families struggling with.

After all of this, there is one thing I'm left wondering...

Did Sampson's parents have these sort of issues?

I mean, everybody had long hair back then, but his obviously stood out a bit. God had told them never to cut his hair, but I wonder if they felt the need to explain that to everyone they met?

Doctor, Doctor...

2007-10-12T21:52:00.000-05:00

hack, hack, cough, cough ---- bronchitis anyone?

Did you know that Bronchitis can last over two weeks? huh... neither did I.
So that means if you share it with someone in the family, that makes about a month of hacking till you turn blue and sleepless nights for all in the house...
Let's see... how about a broken wrist? Yes, let's take a dash of that too.
Would you like anything else with your order? Oh yes, how about a UTI to go.
Lovely, will that be all?
Yes.. No, wait... I almost forgot. Could you please remove my voice just enough so I can't talk on the phone? Hold the easy breathing, and go heavy on the inhaler.
No voice? Uh oh, sounds like the return of "the look" and an intense game of charades for the teens.

So how's October going for you?

Break It Out

2007-10-01T15:53:00.000-05:00

Have you ever wondered why socks come in a bag with a "ziploc" type top to them?
Do people actually buy a whole bag just to take one out and put the rest away for later? I mean, if they do, that's fine... wierd, but fine. If that were your need though, do they really need a zipper top? Will they go bad? Nothing worse than when brand new socks get stale, eh?
If that's not what the zippers for then... Do people reuse the bags for chips after they've taken the socks out? I know the socks have never been used, but still - ew.
Can you imagine being at school and pulling out a bag of chips that have Hanes written on the outside? Talk about being bullied, you know that would be in the yearbook when you graduate in ten years. People don't forget stuff like that.

Operator

2007-09-27T20:32:00.000-05:00

If you're lazy (like me) and hate to look up phone numbers, you'll love this.
Not only will it save you a chunk of change from Directory Service, it can help you figure out where you are and how to get where you're going. What is this new amazing service, you may ask...
Watch the video and see.

Goog 411

Sorry, I tried to embed the code and it wouldn't let me for some reason.
You'll have to follow the link this time. C'mon you can do it. It's not that hard, I promise.

FYI: Someone told me that the co-founders of Google are worth 18 BILLION dollars each! Can you even imagine that?
The wierd part... they're not a lot older than my kids.

Morning Has Broken

2007-09-19T09:16:00.000-05:00

Alrighty all you mom's of toddlers out there, I know that deep down you can't wait until your child will sleep past 7:00 am. I remember those days.
Notice that I'm writing this at 9:30 in the morning, there is a reason for that. I'm about to give you a taste of the other side.

Yes, my young men do finally sleep past 7:00, 8:00, 9:00, 10:00, 11:00, 12:00... I think you get the point.
We've actually done a bit of role reversal. I seem to get up earlier and they... well, they do not.

I really miss the times when I could hear one of my little boys early in the morning playing in his bed and I would walk in to pick him up (nevermind that I would stumble into the other room in a half-asleep stooper while stubbing my toe on the door jam - this is my fantasy/daydream of yesteryear - imperfection does not exist). As I picked him up from his bed, I noticed that his diaper was dry, as always, because he is a perfect child and waited to use the potty even at five months old. Next, I would bring him into our bed to wake up daddy, all the while giggling and cuddling. (HA!)

Fast Forward to today:

8:00 - Sound the wake up call

8:15 - Sound the wake up call

8:30 - Sound the wake up call

8:32 - Sound the wake up call and add emphasis to the "Get up now, or else"

8:33 - Feel sorry for myself because nobody listens to me...

8:36 - Sound the wake up call and finally figure out what the "or else" will be...

8:47 - Go upstairs and physically push them out of bed :) Ahhhhh... Success

OK, if I'm being totally honest, I really liked the quiet of the house this morning. Maybe I wasn't as earnest in my pursuit of waking my children as I might suggest. Calling from the downstairs to three snoring teens with the doors closed and fans on doesn't exactly promote the best way to successfully wake up my kids.

All kidding aside, the term "The grass is always greener" is so true.

Usually it's used when comparing ourselves to others, but I also find myself using it and longing for days gone by. In some ways it's more like a double edged sword when comparing it to ourselves. I long for those days past AND I regret not enjoying them more. So many coulda, shoulda, wouldas...

I'm sure that when my husband began reading this post he wondered whose house I was waking up at.

The conundrum I find myself facing today is how do I enjoy the moment, right now, before it's to late.
One day, I will have the whole house to myself in the morning. Of course, Matthew will be here, but he can get himself up and will of course go to work. At that point, it's just me.
Wow... I actually stopped when I wrote that. It truly hit me.

That's the design of course. This is what I've been training my children for all these years. To become independent successful adults and (I might add) that this is what I want for them more than anything, only adding above that a relationship with the Lord.

I guess it's just so much clearer now that it's closer to reality. Empty nest, boy now there's a stage I never thought would come.

So tomorrow morning, when your little one wakes up before dawn and you stumble out of bed to check on them, enjoy the smile on their face when they see you and the embrace they give you when you pick them up. If they're crying and have full diapers or worse, clean them up and thank God that you're able to do so. Then give them the hug and tickles that they and you so desperately need.

As for me, I'll actually ascend the stairs tomorrow morning to wake the guys and whether they like it or not, they will wake up with the kissy monster they used to know and love.

How Much is that Doggie in the Window?

2007-09-06T14:22:00.000-05:00

I was telling Alex that I hadn't posted for a few days because I haven't been in blogging mindset. He proceeded to tell me I have blogeria. Before reaching for the Pepto Bismol, I asked him to please 'splain himself.

Apparently blogeria (I'm not even sure how to spell this one) is when you need to blog and don't know what to blog about. This seems a bit backwards to me, I would think it's when you have way to much to blog about and need to get to a computer... now!
Apparently, with blogeria it's speaks more about the product than the action. Blogeria is when you just type without anything to write about - speaking more in terms of the "quality" of the blog. Now, aren't you glad you've taken the time to come by.

Soooooooooo, mulling over my "problem" with my son, he decided to teach me how to use his web cam to take a picture. With this in mind, I decided to show you why I never became a beautician (or at least a dog groomer).

I was clipping our pekepoo a few weeks ago and half way through the clippers stopped clipping... lovely. At this moment I'm faced with three alternatives.

1) Take her to a groomer to finish. ($30 for half of a dog? Forget it.)

2) Leave her like that. (And let all of her friends make fun of her new haircut.)

3) Suck it up and forge onward. (Grab the scissors and go!)

Needless to say, I chose door number three...

Ding, Ding, Ding and tell her what she won Johnny!

Why it's a terrible headache and a dog that looks like it was run through a wood chipper Bob!

It was exhausting. Hinds sight I would have paid $100 to have someone else finish, but nonetheless, it was done.

Unfortunately for you - but fortunately for Pebbles - the hair has grown out from a few weeks ago. You can sort of still see one of the bald spots - that's right I said one of the bald spots -there were quite a few by the time I was finished. It's inside the yellow circle below. Now picture that spot as white as the floor she's standing on... and all over her body.

Poor thing.

Below: Pebbles and yes, before you ask, she always looks like that.

She's smiling, can't you tell?

Rosie (7 year old Blue Heeler - better known as "Mama Rose")

Well, I hope you've enjoyed this blogeria, I know I feel better.

I Believe I Can Fly...

2007-08-26T23:59:00.000-05:00

Yesterday we went to the Red Bull Flugtag here in Austin.
Flugtag is pronounce floogtog. They said it means something like "flying thing" in German. In English it means 85,000 people gathered to watch groups do a dance/drama and push someone off a 30 foot drop as they try to fly in a themed contraption.
To make sense of the whole concept, you have to remember the Red Bull commercials - Red Bull gives you wings.

It's actually fun to see the creativity of these groups.
This brief video is a compilation of another year here in Austin, but it's the best one out there right now that shows what this event is.

The next one below is about 12 seconds long and shows a "flying machine" (or lack thereof) that we actually saw. Though I have to admit, until I saw this on youtube and read it's a vacuum, I really had no clue what it was. From where we were sitting it looked like one of those little ghost guys in Pacman with a feather.

The last video below is only six seconds long, but I wanted to show you why it's unwise to drink and design things that are supposed to fly.

Please note that this is a theme of "Rock, Paper, Scissors". Clever in thought, but tell me why would you ever volunteer to be the "paper pilot"? What you see in the video is the back of the costume/flyer. On the front, there is a hole cut out for a face. Keep in mind that they all run to the edge of the platform and jump... face first... into the water. The odd thing was that everyone seemed shocked when the paper smacked face down in the water and had trouble getting up.

The drinking stuff isn't our game, but we went with Kat and her family along with a friend from Germany and that's what really made it such a good time.

Brandon is hoping they will come back to Austin so that he can design his own and pilot it off the top... your prayers are appreciated. ;)

Homesick

2007-08-19T20:42:00.000-05:00

Today is the anniversary of my mom's death. She died at the very young age of 54. I'm a thousand miles away so I can't take flowers to her grave. Nonetheless, I find myself wanting to do something special for her.

The picture above is of black-eyed susans. They were my mom's favorite. When we lived in Pataskala there were fields full of these throughout the neighborhood. I used to bring them home to her all the time. First, she would completely freak out because of the bugs, but then she seemed to enjoy them.

I could have picked a better picture for her today. Maybe one with a close up that shows the intricate beauty of these bright flowers -- but I wanted a picture of what I see in my memory. Big fields full of plants and weeds with these rays of sunshine littered throughout.

Below is a song by Mercy Me that tugs at the heart of anyone who's lost a loved one.

Mom where ever you are, I know that God has made a big front porch for you with comfortable outdoor chairs for sitting and enjoying the cool breeze. I pray that He also blessed you with a field filled with black-eyed susans in your front yard.
Nana and I talk about you all the time, we miss you so.
I love you...

Homesick
You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbyes
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now...

Everything

2007-08-07T15:23:00.000-05:00

A good friend of mine found this and sent it to me.
You've got to watch it, but you have to watch the whole thing.
You will miss the whole point if you quit any earlier.

After testing the video on my blog, I realized it's much better if you go to you tube directly here
and make the video larger (click the silver button to the far right under the video itself). It will be a little blurry, but that's ok. Sit back a little and turn up your speakers.

Sadly,
Over 1,500 youths kill themselves every year...
1 in 4 youth use illegal drugs...
40% have self-inflicted wounds...
1/3 of youth have been drunk in the last month...
1 million are pregnant...
1 in 5 have thought about suicide...
8,000 youth get an STD every day...

Rollercoaster - woo - hoo - hoo - hoooo

2007-08-02T09:32:00.000-05:00

Tuesday we took a trip to Fiesta Texas compliments of the Coke-a-Cola Company. Finally, drinking copious amounts of Diet Coke has paid off!
I came to the decision that I either needed to invest in their stock, or sign-up for their Rewards Points program. I chose the latter.
Between the points I gathered from home and the points generously given by friends, I've come to the realization that we need a twelve step program for our soda obsession. While this may be true, I guess I have no problem exploiting our addiction as I saved up several thousands of said points to go to Six Flags with the fam.
There's a lot of work that goes into getting the numbers (especially the caps) entered into the website. You get 10 points for 12 packs and 3 points for lids - any lids. It doesn't matter if they're three liters or twenty ounces.

Most moms will longingly look back and recall the days when their kids brought them a precious flower they found. As their child came running through the door, flower in hand, face beaming, you can see the excitement and love in their eyes.
Per usual we are a bit different. I can't tell you how many times Brandon would come to me, smiling from ear to ear, with a red cap that actually kind of looked like a flower because he found it smashed in the middle of the road. Honestly, because of the way I received those lids, they were worth much more then the three points.

The best part about our trip on Tuesday was that we were able to relax and reconnect as a family. It was also a time to remember that we're all sooooo different... and that's ok.
Alex doesn't like to ride rides. He loves the whole scientific part of the rollercoasters. It was a little disappointing at first, but again that's ok, we had an official backpack holder.
Brandon and Ben... their diffences are very apparent all of the time. What was so great about this day is that they rode most of the rides together -- all day AND laughed together! Nobody fought. Well, there were a few minor incidents, to be expected, but that's it.

Matthew and I had a different revelation about ourselves. One that we can no longer deny... we're getting old. We could only take a few of the rollercoasters that we used to love so dearly, because this time instead of running to get back in line we had headaches and needed Tums.

Jailhouse Rock

2007-07-24T10:05:00.000-05:00

I don't usually blog on news, but this just really stood out to me today.

So sad to see the newest trend for teen idols. I pulled up the news this morning and on the front -dead center- was Lindsey Lohan and her most recent DUI.
After scanning the latest headlines, I went to take a bath and Matthew had the TV on in the other room. Listening over the filling tub, they were using this piece of news as the big headline of the day. Seriously, during the twenty minutes I was soaking, they repeated it every two to three and then did spotlights on her and the situation with analysts. As they talked they were showing the same pictures of her over and over again. How could I see them you may ask (as I was in the tub)? Because they described the picture... every time.

"Here is a picture of Lohan in happier times with a surfboard and ankle bracelet..."

I don't know about you, but I didn't realize that "happier times" and "ankle bracelet" went together.

Honestly, I feel for these misguided teen idols who seem to escape through a partying atmosphere. I just wonder (as I'm sure many people do) what this does to the girls who look up to them.

Is it better for them to see these celebs and then they just drop out of view (as so many young actors have done before) - OR - to see what all the paryting leads them too (jail, rehab, etc.)?

Either way, it's a sad reality in the world we live in and leaves me to wonder what's next, but also thanking God that He is a constant in such a changing damaging world.

Retro Blog

2007-07-21T20:05:00.000-05:00

I've decided to repost my first blog because... well, I have nothing better to do at the moment.

Blog! Me? When?
I can't believe it. I have a blog account... Will I actually use it?
I guess that remains to be seen.

First Decision in this new adventure... What to name it... ?
Let's face it, there are way to many choices and yet none that seem to work for me. So I did what any other person who's feeling void of any creative vibs at 12:00 on a Sunday night would do... I ran a search on "blog names" - Oh yeah! That should really help... not. Oh, don't get me wrong there were lots of ideas... Lots of freakishly odd, out there ideas-but as easy as it might be to tag myself as the Neon Blazzer, none of these seemed to fit.

So, how does someone who hasn't touched a musical instrument since graduation in 1986 end up with the word "unplugged" in it?
Simple... OK, not totally simple, but try to follow along.

I started thinking about what I would want my blog to be.
It would have to be a place that I can disconnect from life and just process thoughts. *Which brings me to an entirely different question... do I really want to make this public? I'll tackle that another time. For now, I'll stick with the "private/draft" feature.*

Where was I? Oh yeah, disconnect from my life, yadda, yadda, yadda-process thoughts, etc. Got it.
The next step was to figure out what my life feels like and what it might be like to take a step back for a few minutes. That's pretty easy. Most of the time I feel like my mind is going 190 mph. So fast, I can hardly keep up. While I'm working on one thing, I have at least two other thoughts on my mind, something else I'm trying to remember, but getting distracted by something I don't want to forget. (I guess that explains the Ritilan in the cabinet.)

To wrap it all up, I feel like my thoughts/mind need to be unplugged every now and then. I just need to be able to ramble. <- Now if that doesn't leave you screaming for more, I don't know what will.

Seriously, I was inspired by another good friend of ours that we totally respect. He began his first blog session. His is much more spiritual and deeply insightful than mine, but I'm hoping to get there one day. Thanks for the inspiration Hector!

That's enough for now. It's nearing one and I still have to figure out how to save this so I don't have to start over. Well, that and I want to figure out what this "mood selector" does. So if you read this and it sounds "impressed, geeky, or grateful" then I still don't know what I'm doing.

In Him,
Tammy

Lessons from the animal kingdom...

2007-07-12T14:09:00.001-05:00

Dads, this is exactly why moms need a break when you come home...

We cannot run... we cannot hide.... we are followed everywhere!

Sum-sum-summertime...

2007-07-10T13:46:00.000-05:00

OK then... It's July and I am soooo ready for a break from school.
This is the difficult part of being a homeschooler (for me anyway). I'm not a very disciplined person - I know, complete shocker, right? But I digress, some parents can stay right on track and are very regimented. They start on a particular day (picked out the year before, no doubt) and finish their school year on a certain day (again, previously planned). My world does not work like that.
Don't get me wrong, we work hard, but not super systematically.
One of the wonderful blessings of homeschooling is that you know your child and what they need. One of the most difficult parts of homeschooling is that you know your child and what they need, ergo -and here's the catch- it's up to you to provide it... all! Even when that means working throughout the summer, when you're completely, totally burnt out, ready for a break and mamaneedsavacation syndrome has firmly set in.

It's times like this that I totally need God to remind me that I really love what I do with the boys (errr... young men). I think I'm also a little overwhelmed at the thought of one graduating next month - yes, that's August. Remember, not disciplined, systematic, blah, blah, blah...

This is where the rubber meets the road. Where I have to trust in God to fix whatever I may have screwed up over the years. According to most polls that are out there today my kids will be in therapy for something... at least I gave them something to talk about.
All right, it hasn't been that bad. The reality is that I'm not naive enough to think I did it perfectly. The only thing I can be sure of is that we followed His calling to educate our kids at home.

Anytime I've read blogs about homeschoolers graduating there's lots of "pomp and circumstance", celebrating and the like.
As with so many things, all I can do is sit and think of all the ways I "could/should" have done things differently.

Take care,
Tammy

So Long Chatter...

2007-05-22T19:25:00.000-05:00

Recently, we had a death in our family.

Chatter the guinea pig died.
She really was a sweet little thing (as far as guinea pigs go anyway).
If you would call her she would come. She would talk to you (in little squeaks of course). Chatter even picked up bird sounds from a clock we have - that was really wierd, but very cool.

We'll miss her, not the smell of her cage, but we'll miss her.

As with the passing of any pet, this brings up the age old question of whether there are animals in heaven. To be honest, I think I lay on the minority side of it (theologically speaking).

I just can't imagine being in heaven and not hearing the birds singing, and if there are birds...

The Adventure Begins

2007-05-04T13:35:00.000-05:00

Since the time my son (Ben) heard there was going to be a Spiderman 3, he has been tracking its progress and release date.

As the date crept closer, it was time to find the best theater for such a momentous event. After many, many phone calls the Alamo Drafthouse was chosen as his top pick.

This is a very important decision. As a mom of a movie lover I have come to truly appreciate a theater that will entertain you for three to six hours before the start time of an opening picture.
For you non-Austinites, the Alamo is a restaurant/movie theater that is known for its pre-movie shorts. Most of them I wouldn't even think of taking my kids to, but for this they were showing the old Spiderman cartoon and - my kids loved this - in the opening credits it boasted the fact that it was IN COLOR!
Another fun element to the theater is that if you would like to order food, you write what you want on a paper and stand it up on the table in front of you for the waitress to pick up. (This is an important fact as you read on.)

Over the past week:
At least several times a day Ben would give us the countdown for the start time, including what he would like to order to eat, and when in the movie he wanted to write it on the paper for the waitress to pick up. It's a science really. We're holding out that there is a scholarship fund somewhere for students with this talent.

The Big Day:
Ben called the theater at six to find out the best time to line up. They said it shouldn't be bad since we already bought our tickets and an hour or so is all we should need. This seemed very daring to the boys, who wanted to be there around nine. Despite their overzealous excitement, we decided to throw caution to the wind and leave at ten for the midnight showing.

We carefully chose our seats. Wrote out our food order and held on to it until just the perfect time (which we figured to be about five minutes before the movie started).
It was a lot of fun. We watched shorts on spider specialists giving us the low down on the creepy crawlies. They showed international versions of spidey, and those old cartoons - which were to fun to remember! I sat bouncing in my seat and singing the song, "Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a spider can. Can he swing on a thread? Take a look over head..." as my son tried to hide behind his menu and pretend he didn't know me.
OH, c'mon I know you're singing it now too!

Anyway, it's now five minutes before. We place our order up on the table and take our last run to the bathroom - so as not to be interrupted.
Finally, the lights go down, the previews start.... and stop.

Yes, that's right, the projectors busted... or something.

The managers came out about every fifteen minutes to tell us that it would be another five minutes or so and they've figured out the problem.
Some people left after a half an hour, but not us. I drank caffeine after nine, I was in for the long haul.

I told my boys that if we don't get home until four, there would be no school the next day. Suddenly, it didn't matter how long the wait was.

Finally, six free sodas and an hour later, the movie begins.
We didn't ask for freebies, they just started giving them out. Now, I'm really awake.

The movie was actually pretty good. Not a lot of bad language or awkward scenes. Lots of fighting, but these were pretty bad guys, right?

Several good points to the evening:
Lots of laughs
Smiles
Good memories
Free soda
We now know what the Japanese Spiderman looks like - Spiderman, who knew?
We pulled in at 3:50, but that's close enough - no school!

Another plus:
They gave us free movie passes and the third edition of Pirates comes out in two weeks! Guess where we'll be?

My favorite Stupid Video

2007-05-01T12:50:00.000-05:00

I was telling a friend about this video last weekend. Sadly, this brings me to tears from lauging so hard. Watch the window on the right side.

A little note (before you think I'm not a compassionate person), I've done this myself before, so it's ok to laugh. Go ahead... you know you want to...

It's the little things in life that amuse me.

Lovely...

2007-05-01T12:38:00.000-05:00

Have you seen this?

Take you for who you are...

2006-10-10T12:07:00.000-05:00

Just recently ran across this. It really struck me as to who we are today as opposed to who we were made to be. We weren't made to be alone, yet (at face value) we want to be seen as more than capable to stand that way... but... deep inside... we are all hungry, even starving because alone is not how we were created to be...

You have to watch the whole thing, it's really awesome.
Don't forget to turn the sound on.

Take care...

Life is precious, Life is sweet...

2006-10-09T18:45:00.000-05:00

I have started today's post several times. For the first ten minutes I typed furiously at the keyboard working in one direction and then finding another to explore. Next, I read, reread, and finally deleted it all. There are many things I wanted to say, but none really seem to matter right now.

I think I'll just leave with this one thought. Through the last six + weeks we've watched some friends of ours walk through personal tragedies and yet, I still seem to let the little things get to me in my own life.

My prayer for myself, my family and for yours is that we let the little things go. Speak the truth in love, be gracious in all things, quick to listen and slow to speak. Settle little issues before they are to big to see over them and never settle for "just enough". Above all cling close to God...

Take care...

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

2006-09-08T18:55:00.000-05:00

I'm reluctantly excited about getting out tonight. For the last week I've been struggling with depression in a big way. I'm not sure why. It's just been a difficult week.
As for tonight, I'm going to a writer's group for the first time. I've been so jazzed about going to this... then the time comes to leave and I find myself fighting, with everything in me, not to go. I would rather just call it a day and stay home. I do realize that for me this is a signal of depression setting in. You would think, that because I know this about myself, I would get out on purpose and not give in to these urges.
I am a majorly social person. I just love people (well, most of them ;). Once I get around others I feel so much better in general. But it's such a fight... I hate that. Why do we push against things that are so good for us? This isn't just an issue for me. Talking to others, no matter what their "issue" is, it can be such work to do what brings us life.
I know there is a spiritual battle going on that goes beyond what we can see. Shouldn't that be another reason to say, "Hello! Fight it!" But... do I do that? Many times no... but tonight I will.

Take care...

Stop and smell the roses?

2006-08-30T10:45:00.000-05:00

I feel as though I've been running through a path in this crazy thing known as daily life and have now reached the area where I am ready to begin summer but there is a problem... The path drops off like the sharp edge of a cliff. I missed it. How does this happen?
When I think about it, this is something I've struggled with most of my life. Learning to enjoy the season... the month... the day... the week... the moment.
Unfortunately, the tireless saying of stop and smell the roses has become very cliche. Something that is said without thought of what it means. An old saying for "out of date" people. But should it be that way? Is that our problem?

When you think about it, to smell roses, you really must stop. Unlike other floral scents that can fill a room with just a handful, or like the scent on a soft breeze from a nearby magnolia tree, roses make you pause to take them in.

There are other times, however, such as walking into a grocery store on the eve of Valentine's Day and there is an obvious difference in the air. The 100 dozen roses captures not only your sense of smell, but also fills your eyes with their beauty. Times like those command you to notice, even if for only a split second... no stopping required.

Stopping to smell the roses takes more than time, it takes your mind and heart. It commands your attention. As I said before, there are so many other flowers that have a much more bountiful fragrance. I love the smell of eucalyptus, but have you ever seen it? It's just a thin branch with small leaves jutting out on each side. It's OK in itself, but more often than not, it is used as foilage for other flowers. It took me a long time to figure out what that scent came from. I never, ever, expected it to be a tree. I had heard of eucalyptus, but surely those trees must produce flowers (and some do, but it wasn't the flower that I was smelling). No, it's not scent alone that draws our attention to stop and smell the roses. It's the beauty of the rose as we pass by that must first entice us to stop and try to capture it.

Looking through my life (even just yesterday), God has placed many roses throughout my days. Most of the time I run by barely noticing they exist. I can see the beautiful colors blurred here and there as I pass. I may even think, how sweet or fun something is for a split second as I race on.
My prayer is that I will learn to stop when I see the color draw near. Stop - not pause, not think, not do my obligatory 20 second halt. The goal is to take in the beauty not just quickly catch the fragrance and continue on. It's that each moment spent with these roses makes a difference in my life. That I will walk away changed in some small way.

Old habits die hard and this will take more than my will to make it happen. I am quite confident that God put those roses in my life for a reason. I pray I am able to not only capture them, but to seek them...

Take care...

Titanic Memories

2006-08-23T17:34:00.000-05:00

Have you ever slept laying the wrong way and then when you wake up you can't move, or even breath without pain? Judging from the way I'm feeling I must have done one major gymnastic set during the night. I've done this before, but nothing to this extent. I guess this is one way to have an impromptu day in bed with the heating pad.

My son and I ended up watching the movie Titanic all day. Yes, all day! It's a three and half hour movie (I think) not to mention the deleted scenes, easily four hours plus. Nothing like four hours of devastation to cheer you up. Strangely enough, it did just that. It reminds me of when my sister and I would literally run from one theater to the other to catch the next showing.
~ I should add to this that the nice thing about DVDs is that you can skip certain scenes. I don't want anyone to think I was sharing the WHOLE movie with my son.

I've always had an interest in the Titanic, so I guess it was a natural thing that I would be drawn to the movie. The pride, the heroism, the reality of all the feelings that everyone must have been having. What would you do if you knew you only had hours to live? I'm guessing not a whole heck of a lot when you're stuck in the middle of the Atlantic, but I digress...
I never thought my sister would watch it again after the first time I took her. She was crying so hard that the snot sucking could be heard over the dramatic theater music. I felt so bad as she bent down and her whole body shook with her tears. Oddly enough... she wanted to see it again, and again, and again, and again. We saw it so much, we actually tired of movie popcorn. Thankfully it was not a permanent disease, just caught from over exposure I guess.

Take care...

Service, Staff Meeting, Dedications, 180 - Oh my!

2006-08-21T00:16:00.000-05:00

Yes, it was one of those busy Sundays. Loooong.
I have to take a moment and give thanks to God. I feel so fortunate and love what He allows me to do at church, not to mention the people that I get to work with. We have such an awesome crew! Being with people gives me energy and lifts my spirit.
I'm still struggling and feeling down, but better. I did finally put some of my thoughts and feelings together. The past several years in the late summer, I haven't been here. I've been back home with my sister/mom for over a month at a time (several times in a row).
I just feel a bit out of place. Something doesn't feel quite right.

OK, that's enough for tonight. It's 12:18 and I'm fighting sleep. I really want to be able to just surf for a little bit before ending the day, but I don't know if my eyes will let me.

Take care

Mom's Anniversary

2006-08-19T19:44:00.000-05:00

Today is August 19, 2006, it's been two years to the date of my Mom's death. It's about 6:30 right now as I write. Mom died early in the morning in 2004 so by this time in the evening my sister and I had already been in contact with most of Mom's close friends and family to let them know. We were so tired from the lack of sleep the night before, but couldn't feel it. I was still numb. Could this really have happened? Is she really gone? No way! Nothing could take her away. I mean... she's been there forever, right?
It's just so surreal... Everyone knows that when someone dies they're gone, but... honestly, I don't think you can really understand exactly what that means until you've experienced it. No more phone calls. Did you forget what goes in that recipe? To bad...

My relationship with my mother was always interesting. We had some really hard times and then came to an understanding about ten years ago. I finally got to know her --I mean, really know her-- the last six months of her life.

Needless to say, I'm feeling a little depressed. I have no motivation to do anything. I'm just sitting here aimlessly surfing the web and feeling "yucky". It drives me crazy, because there are days when I wish I could do exactly this (sit and surf with no worries). Now that I'm doing it, I just feel lazy. It's Saturday, my kids are out and about with their friends and I (pretty much) have the house to myself. It's nice outside too. OK, it's really crazy hot out, but the sky is blue and there are so many things I could be doing, but I have no interest. I sit here with guilt on my back reminding me of how I'm wasting my day.

Next year I'm going to go back and be with my sister during this time. It's just to hard to do this alone and it's a perfect time to remember the fun we had with Mom. Her last days were some of the best in her life.

I miss you Mom, but I know you are living in a beautiful home, even prettier than the green house you loved so much.
No more car problems, no more worries about paying the bills, just a heavenly vacation. Enjoy it...

It's been two years since my mom died. I still miss her. The other day, I heard someone say my name and it sounded just like her. It made me smile.

Take care...

Time, Time, Time...

2006-03-09T20:27:00.000-06:00

I have to say I am amazed. I actually heard from you wondering why I haven't been blogging. That's amazing. Either you're completely bored out of your mind and need to get out more, or you need a referal for good a therapist.

Actually, I haven't had much time to think outside of my daily routine of to much to do and not enough time to do it.

This seems to have become a common problem with people. Over the years we've all thought we need more time in our day (unless you're in the state pen and are looking to shave a few hours off).
We've even produced terms in the English language to make us feel as though we can get around it such as, steal a moment of your time; living on borrowed time; buying time - and so on.
You'd think we'd learn to live in the 24 hours a day that God has given us. I mean how long have we been around? Have we not learned anything?
Let's not also forget to mention that this is the age of technology, right? (That or they've come up with a new name for advancement and I haven't caught up with the times yet. Kind of like taking the "Future" ride at Disney and realizing that most of their amazing gadgets are already outdated. (There's a bummer for your fifty dollar admission ticket.)

Seriously though. We are living in a time where things have been made to help us get more done in less time. Woo Hoo!
Let's get done faster so that we have time to... get more done?
I mean, this truy is what I'm thinking right?
I have so many things on my "To Do" list that I've run out of room.

I guess if we really thought about it, what we really want are some advances in life that allow us to do less. Huh... now there's a thought.

Going out on a limb would bring me to the conclusion that we should "Just say no!"
But that's not always easy is it? Not because of outside pressure, but because we really want to do more, I think.
It's how we're wired (or at least I am). In some ways I guess it depends on how we view the words: more and less.

Do we want to do more faster so that we can do more with our kids? -OR- Do we want to do less so that we can do more with our kids?
They sound a lot alike, but they really aren't.

I can't say which it is for me. Actually, I would vote for either one depending on the day or moment. It's no secret that I am ADD. Not the bouncing off the walls kind of ADD, just the mind always running, usually faster than I can keep up. This way, I'm never bored and can always find something that needs to be done. This works for me.
It's so much easier to stay busy than to slow down and figure out what to do next.

No matter what the answer is, it all comes back to the same result. We all have only 24 hours in a day. Time knows no gender, income status, nationality, etc.
The reality is that no matter how hard I try to get more done in a day, I really need to look at each task/activity and decide if I can do it faster so I can have more time, or if I should just say no and do less which will inevitably create more time.

Alrighty then. I'm done deep thinking. Which I should never do without at least two cups of caffiene in my system. I have myself so utterly confused I need to walk away, take two Tylenol and think through this once the migraine passes.

In Him,
Tammy