Stop and smell the roses?

I feel as though I've been running through a path in this crazy thing known as daily life and have now reached the area where I am ready to begin summer but there is a problem... The path drops off like the sharp edge of a cliff. I missed it. How does this happen?
When I think about it, this is something I've struggled with most of my life. Learning to enjoy the season... the month... the day... the week... the moment.
Unfortunately, the tireless saying of stop and smell the roses has become very cliche. Something that is said without thought of what it means. An old saying for "out of date" people. But should it be that way? Is that our problem?

When you think about it, to smell roses, you really must stop. Unlike other floral scents that can fill a room with just a handful, or like the scent on a soft breeze from a nearby magnolia tree, roses make you pause to take them in.

There are other times, however, such as walking into a grocery store on the eve of Valentine's Day and there is an obvious difference in the air. The 100 dozen roses captures not only your sense of smell, but also fills your eyes with their beauty. Times like those command you to notice, even if for only a split second... no stopping required.

Stopping to smell the roses takes more than time, it takes your mind and heart. It commands your attention. As I said before, there are so many other flowers that have a much more bountiful fragrance. I love the smell of eucalyptus, but have you ever seen it? It's just a thin branch with small leaves jutting out on each side. It's OK in itself, but more often than not, it is used as foilage for other flowers. It took me a long time to figure out what that scent came from. I never, ever, expected it to be a tree. I had heard of eucalyptus, but surely those trees must produce flowers (and some do, but it wasn't the flower that I was smelling). No, it's not scent alone that draws our attention to stop and smell the roses. It's the beauty of the rose as we pass by that must first entice us to stop and try to capture it.

Looking through my life (even just yesterday), God has placed many roses throughout my days. Most of the time I run by barely noticing they exist. I can see the beautiful colors blurred here and there as I pass. I may even think, how sweet or fun something is for a split second as I race on.
My prayer is that I will learn to stop when I see the color draw near. Stop - not pause, not think, not do my obligatory 20 second halt. The goal is to take in the beauty not just quickly catch the fragrance and continue on. It's that each moment spent with these roses makes a difference in my life. That I will walk away changed in some small way.

Old habits die hard and this will take more than my will to make it happen. I am quite confident that God put those roses in my life for a reason. I pray I am able to not only capture them, but to seek them...

Take care...

Titanic Memories

Have you ever slept laying the wrong way and then when you wake up you can't move, or even breath without pain? Judging from the way I'm feeling I must have done one major gymnastic set during the night. I've done this before, but nothing to this extent. I guess this is one way to have an impromptu day in bed with the heating pad.

My son and I ended up watching the movie Titanic all day. Yes, all day! It's a three and half hour movie (I think) not to mention the deleted scenes, easily four hours plus. Nothing like four hours of devastation to cheer you up. Strangely enough, it did just that. It reminds me of when my sister and I would literally run from one theater to the other to catch the next showing.
~ I should add to this that the nice thing about DVDs is that you can skip certain scenes. I don't want anyone to think I was sharing the WHOLE movie with my son.

I've always had an interest in the Titanic, so I guess it was a natural thing that I would be drawn to the movie. The pride, the heroism, the reality of all the feelings that everyone must have been having. What would you do if you knew you only had hours to live? I'm guessing not a whole heck of a lot when you're stuck in the middle of the Atlantic, but I digress...
I never thought my sister would watch it again after the first time I took her. She was crying so hard that the snot sucking could be heard over the dramatic theater music. I felt so bad as she bent down and her whole body shook with her tears. Oddly enough... she wanted to see it again, and again, and again, and again. We saw it so much, we actually tired of movie popcorn. Thankfully it was not a permanent disease, just caught from over exposure I guess.

Take care...

Service, Staff Meeting, Dedications, 180 - Oh my!

Yes, it was one of those busy Sundays. Loooong.
I have to take a moment and give thanks to God. I feel so fortunate and love what He allows me to do at church, not to mention the people that I get to work with. We have such an awesome crew! Being with people gives me energy and lifts my spirit.
I'm still struggling and feeling down, but better. I did finally put some of my thoughts and feelings together. The past several years in the late summer, I haven't been here. I've been back home with my sister/mom for over a month at a time (several times in a row).
I just feel a bit out of place. Something doesn't feel quite right.

OK, that's enough for tonight. It's 12:18 and I'm fighting sleep. I really want to be able to just surf for a little bit before ending the day, but I don't know if my eyes will let me.

Take care

Mom's Anniversary

Today is August 19, 2006, it's been two years to the date of my Mom's death. It's about 6:30 right now as I write. Mom died early in the morning in 2004 so by this time in the evening my sister and I had already been in contact with most of Mom's close friends and family to let them know. We were so tired from the lack of sleep the night before, but couldn't feel it. I was still numb. Could this really have happened? Is she really gone? No way! Nothing could take her away. I mean... she's been there forever, right?
It's just so surreal... Everyone knows that when someone dies they're gone, but... honestly, I don't think you can really understand exactly what that means until you've experienced it. No more phone calls. Did you forget what goes in that recipe? To bad...

My relationship with my mother was always interesting. We had some really hard times and then came to an understanding about ten years ago. I finally got to know her --I mean, really know her-- the last six months of her life.

Needless to say, I'm feeling a little depressed. I have no motivation to do anything. I'm just sitting here aimlessly surfing the web and feeling "yucky". It drives me crazy, because there are days when I wish I could do exactly this (sit and surf with no worries). Now that I'm doing it, I just feel lazy. It's Saturday, my kids are out and about with their friends and I (pretty much) have the house to myself. It's nice outside too. OK, it's really crazy hot out, but the sky is blue and there are so many things I could be doing, but I have no interest. I sit here with guilt on my back reminding me of how I'm wasting my day.

Next year I'm going to go back and be with my sister during this time. It's just to hard to do this alone and it's a perfect time to remember the fun we had with Mom. Her last days were some of the best in her life.

I miss you Mom, but I know you are living in a beautiful home, even prettier than the green house you loved so much.
No more car problems, no more worries about paying the bills, just a heavenly vacation. Enjoy it...

It's been two years since my mom died. I still miss her. The other day, I heard someone say my name and it sounded just like her. It made me smile.

Take care...