Mom's Anniversary

Today is August 19, 2006, it's been two years to the date of my Mom's death. It's about 6:30 right now as I write. Mom died early in the morning in 2004 so by this time in the evening my sister and I had already been in contact with most of Mom's close friends and family to let them know. We were so tired from the lack of sleep the night before, but couldn't feel it. I was still numb. Could this really have happened? Is she really gone? No way! Nothing could take her away. I mean... she's been there forever, right?
It's just so surreal... Everyone knows that when someone dies they're gone, but... honestly, I don't think you can really understand exactly what that means until you've experienced it. No more phone calls. Did you forget what goes in that recipe? To bad...

My relationship with my mother was always interesting. We had some really hard times and then came to an understanding about ten years ago. I finally got to know her --I mean, really know her-- the last six months of her life.

Needless to say, I'm feeling a little depressed. I have no motivation to do anything. I'm just sitting here aimlessly surfing the web and feeling "yucky". It drives me crazy, because there are days when I wish I could do exactly this (sit and surf with no worries). Now that I'm doing it, I just feel lazy. It's Saturday, my kids are out and about with their friends and I (pretty much) have the house to myself. It's nice outside too. OK, it's really crazy hot out, but the sky is blue and there are so many things I could be doing, but I have no interest. I sit here with guilt on my back reminding me of how I'm wasting my day.

Next year I'm going to go back and be with my sister during this time. It's just to hard to do this alone and it's a perfect time to remember the fun we had with Mom. Her last days were some of the best in her life.

I miss you Mom, but I know you are living in a beautiful home, even prettier than the green house you loved so much.
No more car problems, no more worries about paying the bills, just a heavenly vacation. Enjoy it...

It's been two years since my mom died. I still miss her. The other day, I heard someone say my name and it sounded just like her. It made me smile.

Take care...