The hard part about having a public blog is that you can't always say what you're thinking, or would like to.
Instead, I sit back and quietly contemplate how I could word things so that the thoughts would come across crystal clear, or that I would make sure and type out each and every single word so that the rumor mill will not be working overtime. I'm not saying that those who read this are yappers, but when you read something that seems to be written in code, it's normal to wonder - what's "really" going on.

I don't know how to write in such a way as to not leave questions hanging.
So here's an honest update on our lives in short.
We are a normal family that is dealing with the typical issues of daily living. Nothing life shattering, nobody's being admitted to rehab, nor are they in hiding from the police. Though I will admit I almost took a hiatus to hide from my dentist to avoid a certain root canal last week, but I digress...

My youngest is finding out that you can't trust others no matter how convincing they sound and that contrary to popular belief, his parents really are on his side. My oldest is learning that work is... a work in progress. My middle is realizing that the economy and hiring freezes are everywhere, regardless of the season. My husband is working to keep it all together and running like a fine tuned machine and I... well... I'm not sure where I am.
I'm realizing that the older I am the less I know. The more I think I finally figured it out, I realize I never knew what "it" was to begin with. And just when I think I have it all together, I realize I forgot to buy duct tape to keep it that way.

Life is a little confusing, irritating, joyful, loving, and maddening right now.
I guess if we didn't have these little interruptions, we would grow complacent and not see the good in it all. So... in all things praise Him. I guess that's where I am... praising Him.



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I Heart the Container Store...

We went there this afternoon to look for some crates for storage.
It was awesome! Until today I have only been to one other Container Store when we were in Austin. I wasn't as impressed with it there. I'm not sure why. Clearly, I must have been running short on time... or was I? Could my family have been averting my attention to avoid spending Saturday afternoons at a store that could capture my attention for hours on end?

I have this thing for office supplies. I don't know what it is, but nothing makes me happier than finding funky file folders and colorful magnets.
The minute we walked in my family had this look as if they had been pulled into a black hole. The best part, I was shopping for some things we needed at church so they couldn't make me leave!
This is actually our day off and we were really supposed to be wandering the mall with the guys so, believe it or not, I did try to hurry. Did they appreciate that? I don't think so. They had this look as though someone had shoved bamboo shoots under their fingernails.
Try as I might to make them appreciate the grander of household items and the 101 ways that pasta can be stored, they weren't buying it.
Honestly... they didn't really complain when we were in the store.
Then how do I know this was such torture for them?
As we left the mall, I heard Brandon say that if a terrorist ever wanted to get information from him, they just needed to take him there. He would tell them anything they wanted to know.


Nice.
Next week, I am vowing to find An American Girls Doll store to take them to.


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Roadblocks

For the last year I've been really frustrated with my inability to sit down and write. Maybe I've thrown out a blog or two here and there, but nothing consistent.

I've even checked out books at the library to help motivate me - that didn't work. Most just tell you how to get published, or how to write a paragraph. Totally not what I'm looking for. I wanted something to kick me and scream "JUST DO IT!".

Several factors are really helping me to refocus on this awesome outlet.
One, I have a sweet friend that just started her own blog. Reading hers has helped to re-inspire me to add to my own.
The second? I finally found an awesome book that has helped me to get past all the roadblocks I set up for myself. It has blown all of my excuses away so that I have nothing left and at least take a few steps in the right direction.
Writing Brave and Free -Encouraging Words for People Who Want to Start Writing

The Ten Minute Exercise
In this book, the authors talk about The Ten Minute Exercise.
This is where you write about anything in any style you would like for ten minutes.
I have actually tried this before. Did it work? No.
So what makes me think it will help me this time? Nothing.
As a matter of fact, it's exactly that thought that keeps me from even trying.

I'm old enough to know that I'm really good at starting things - it's the follow through I struggle with. I've seen myself do it over and over only to fail at keeping up with the challenge. Oh, I've started strong and even kept different things/activities going for a long time, but they all fall by the wayside as life progresses. Sometimes it can take months to see something slowly unravel and sometimes it can drop as quickly as the next day, but rest assured I'm very aware of this struggle. So much so that I've let it stop me from even trying, especially something as public as the blog.

Enough! I'm tired of the guilt I've put on myself and I'm tired of not trying because of fear of failing.

In Writing Brave & Free I found this quote that I can totally hang my hat on right now.
If you want to start writing you have to start.
The road is made by walking.

So for now, I'm going to try writing for ten minutes a day. Some I may not post, some I will. Either way, I promise to give myself grace and learn to enjoy the process again.

It's good to be back.


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Marley & Me

I finally watched it. I had been avoiding it because of the ending.
Just as I thought... I'm in a puddle of tears.

Gonna tell myself something I hate to hear.

I told ya so.




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Loss...

A young mom from our church was in an accident this weekend.
She was on a motorcycle where she and the driver were both killed.
Sara had not been around for awhile. She had a very difficult life, but she impacted those that she came in contact with.

If you have a minute, please pray for her children, they are 9, 4, and 2.

2 Killed In Motorcycle Crash In Larimer County

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Alex is now an official driver in the state of Colorado...

Last week Alex took his driver's license test. I haven't posted much about this process (even though I have some great stories) as Alex embarrasses easily. Does that stop me? Well, usually... no. This time I didn't want to mess him up as he practiced by worrying whether I would post everything he did wrong. (Please note: The test has been passed and I will eventually have to write about some of them. Honestly, the boys scared me at first.)

So what happened during the exam?
I'm so glad you asked...
Alex's license stipulates that he must wear his glasses whenever he is driving.
When practicing he NEVER forgot.

Though halfway through his driver's exam, he realized he did not have them on.
hmmmm... what to do...
Even though he knew it would probably fail him, he put his turn signal on, pulled over to the side of the road and told the examiner, "I have to tell you sir that I'm driving illegally. I am supposed to be wearing my glasses." He then adds, "I probably just failed, huh?"

The examiner told him not to think like that and that he could finish the test.
Not only did he finish... he passed.

hmmm... guess it's about time I get my Colorado ID too, eh?

Tikvah

About a week ago Brandon found a little bird.
I made this video to show how it tries to eat. Something happened during the making of the video and it became so much more. It was a very healing experience for me. Each time I watch it I cry. I wanted to share it with those of you who know Brandon well. I know that you can understand why my heart feels this way when I watch it.





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Some of the Most Beautiful People I've Ever Met...

The new date for Africa is sometime in July - because of the swine flu.

Now, I have to admit, I am so glad that we didn't leave yesterday. If we had, I would not have had the privilege of meeting two amazing couples from Rwanda. Africa is moving to a more fluent English language so they are here for two months to submerse themselves conversationally. We are the first stop in this trip and so the language is still a struggle.

I was a little nervous at first. They understand more than they can speak. One of the wives is pretty fluent and able to translate some of what we said. But, honestly... the uneasiness melted away as I began to talk to these beautiful people. There was a kinship with them. Something that can't be reproduced, faked, or imagined. They are as genuine as you can get and I can honestly say it was/is a pleasure and honor to spend the day with them. I can't even begin to explain what this has done for my excitement level for the trip.

I should also tell you that they also met Elmer and really enjoyed it. They even took turns making him talk - so much fun!
They even experienced a Blacklight Storytime! They were so sweet and blessed us with an amazing prayer afterward. I was so touched... I just wept.

I'm so thankful that I will learn as much if not more from these beautiful people than they could ever learn from me.

Right now I'm thanking God for showing me not only how big He is, but how far and wide His love travels. We truly are one family, one love and in one Kingdom.


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SCORE

The newest adventure God has us on...
SCORE - Reaching beyond borders to mentor, heal, & inspire!



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A Little Honesty...

I don't know what's up with me lately.
It's as though I feel like I can't do anything right. All the things I can't get done seem to be heavy on my heart and mind. Then I feel like the worst wife/mother/friend/me in the world.
Yesterday was rough. I had a class last night and afterward a friend prayed with me. That lifted it and I guess I feel a little better today. I just don't know.

Sometimes I get to this place where God is doing something in me and I know I'm in a tough spot, but I also know that it will be better. I don't know how to explain it, but it's true and it is always better.
I just need to stay open to what He is doing and I'll get there.

I think some of it is that I don't have any time to myself lately and if I am alone, then I'm working on something or whatever. Yes, I go to the gym, but that's not really alone.
My husband goes with me. Please don't take that as a negative. If it weren't for him, I probably wouldn't go as much as I do. Hearing him say he is going or wants to go, drives me to jump in as well and I love it. Though even there I feel like I let him down because I take longer than he does. He can't do some of the leg machines because of his knees. I know he has to get tired of waiting around for me. You need to know he doesn't say that, it's just how I feel... defeated everywhere I turn. That no matter which way I go, I'm letting someone down.

It's the quiet times alone. I miss them. I have ADD and in many ways, I think it can be a gift. Then there are those times like now... when there is no stillness.
I have really wanted to go to Starbucks and bring a book to spend some time alone, but then I talk myself out of it. To much to do or to much of a pain to arrange.
The reality is... there's something about being alone that is really bothering me.

I've finally bought into the reality that I am "worth it" when it comes to eating well and working out... but as far as the quiet times. I think that is where my "worth it" is really tested.


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If Life were a Musical...

even a day at the Train Station would be fun!




I found this on Facebook from a good friend of mine (Thanks Steph).
Why can't I ever be somewhere when this happens?
My luck - If I were there, I would be running late and not able to watch.




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Last Big Winter Blast... not.

Yesterday we canceled all of our plans for this morning and set up early in the week because of a "massive winter storm" that was on its way.

This weekend we had quite a few things planned:

Club 54 Hits the Ice!
4th & 5th graders were heading out for a hang-out time at an inside ice rink here.

Painting & Egg Stuffing Party
This is a continuation of last week's Spring Spruce Up.
Why not buy eggs pre-stuffed? Minor Irritation...
Not only were they open, but they were filled with junk. I realize we're not placing pieces of gold inside this year, but it has to be better than chalk candy that looks like it was made in 1972.

Encouraging Words Outreach & Training
This one wasn't ours, but Brandon was really looking forward to it. Though honestly, regardless of whether they could have driven in it, it's a good thing they canceled anyway. I believe they are outside most of the time for this and there may not be any snow... but it is coooold! Meteorologists are safe on this one.

Over the years, you'd think we'd know better than to take to heart everything that is said in the news, especially when it comes to weather. Not saying the meteorologists don't know what they are talking about, but in all reality, God controls the weather and I think He likes to remind us of that from time to time.

So what's the worst that will happen today?
We are ready for tomorrow and are still able to head over to a friend's house for dinner tonight. Sounds like an awesome day to me.
Still... I can't help but miss those beautiful big fluffy snowflakes...


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It's the Little Things...

I've been thinking a lot lately about some of the things I've learned about myself since turning 40. These are things I wish I would have known/realized when I was 20.

Now these aren't huge in the eyes of the world, especially in the second list (those just help keep me sane). They won't change my life forever, they won't save the world, nor will they put my kids through college. But I have found that these simple things can make a big difference in the way my day and peace of mind play out.

All my life I've been running and trying to slow down - only to slow down and see that it didn't make a difference. I've begged God over and over again to help me live my life and not just watch it go by. Then He showed me that He has been doing just that. I just haven't been paying attention. (Sounds a lot like my report cards in elementary school.)


Things that really make me pause and enjoy life...



Babies - They hold the true innocence and joy of God. I can't help but have tears in my eyes when I hold a newborn, or laugh when making silly faces at a toddler.

Fresh Cut Flowers - They are so bright and colorful. They bring life to any room.





Animals - I don't have to be holding one to appreciate them. No worries, I'm not in danger of becoming an old lady with 50 cats. But since we've moved to Colorado, we see a lot of animals all the time. Some wild, some on farms. I love watching the eagles soar overhead, or the baby calves run and play together. It's been amazing to see how even horses care for each other. Just driving by farms we've seen them nuzzle up nose-to-nose and just stand like that for what seems to be forever. We even saw a baby calf being born as we drove by. I tried to get Matthew to stop, but it's not exactly his idea of an exciting afternoon.
Animals show a fun part of God that I don't think other things can. His creativity is amazing.

Nature - This one doesn't always catch my attention immediately. Probably because it's all around. If I literally stop like I do with the others, I would never get anything done.
I can say that not a day goes by that I don't notice the beauty of the snow capped Rocky Mountains. There's also nothing like seeing the pine trees that hold snow by the handfuls after a winter storm.

Little practical things that make a big difference for me...

My house could be a complete mess, but if my bed is made and my room is straight - all is right with the world.






We could be totally broke and not have a dime to our names, but if I have two sizes of garbage bags (white kitchen and large lawn bags in the garage) then all is right with the world. Keeping an extra roll of paper towels in the cabinet even brings a feeling of rest. That may sound lame, but those are also the things that I'm most likely to forget to buy at the store. So I can let go of a tiny bit of stress somewhere.


When I turned 40... I just felt so cheated by time. It went to fast.
But on the flip side, I think I've come to some pretty big realizations about myself. I can remember about 5 years ago when Matthew came home one day to give me the day "off". He said I needed to go out and do something for myself that I would enjoy. You've got to be kidding! I didn't have a clue as to what that would be. I was actually afraid and drove around in circles for a long time.
I think I finally ended up at Sonic for a Diet Cherry Coke.

I'm very thankful that God is revealing to me exactly who I am in Him. Grant it, it's taken a while, but I can be a bit hard headed at times. I know... shocker!


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Finally...

I have been wanting to change the whole layout of the blog, but had no idea how.
So, of course, instead of learning how and fixing it, I did the whole "avoid" thing.
That always gets things done so much faster, don'tcha think?

Unfortunately, it took me several hours to do so, so now I've lost my creativity to post.

So for what it's worth... There ya go.





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The Winner is...

My biggest duh! moment of 2008

This year we sent out over 100 Christmas cards.
Unfortunately, only about 50 had addresses...




This is a sampling of them. I love it - if you can't read the stamp from the Post Office, it says, "Returned for BETTER address". Should read "Returned for ANY address, dork".
I'll blame it on the kidney stones and percocet.


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