Take you for who you are...

Just recently ran across this. It really struck me as to who we are today as opposed to who we were made to be. We weren't made to be alone, yet (at face value) we want to be seen as more than capable to stand that way... but... deep inside... we are all hungry, even starving because alone is not how we were created to be...

You have to watch the whole thing, it's really awesome.
Don't forget to turn the sound on.

Take care...

Life is precious, Life is sweet...

I have started today's post several times. For the first ten minutes I typed furiously at the keyboard working in one direction and then finding another to explore. Next, I read, reread, and finally deleted it all. There are many things I wanted to say, but none really seem to matter right now.

I think I'll just leave with this one thought. Through the last six + weeks we've watched some friends of ours walk through personal tragedies and yet, I still seem to let the little things get to me in my own life.

My prayer for myself, my family and for yours is that we let the little things go. Speak the truth in love, be gracious in all things, quick to listen and slow to speak. Settle little issues before they are to big to see over them and never settle for "just enough". Above all cling close to God...

Take care...

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

I'm reluctantly excited about getting out tonight. For the last week I've been struggling with depression in a big way. I'm not sure why. It's just been a difficult week.
As for tonight, I'm going to a writer's group for the first time. I've been so jazzed about going to this... then the time comes to leave and I find myself fighting, with everything in me, not to go. I would rather just call it a day and stay home. I do realize that for me this is a signal of depression setting in. You would think, that because I know this about myself, I would get out on purpose and not give in to these urges.
I am a majorly social person. I just love people (well, most of them ;). Once I get around others I feel so much better in general. But it's such a fight... I hate that. Why do we push against things that are so good for us? This isn't just an issue for me. Talking to others, no matter what their "issue" is, it can be such work to do what brings us life.
I know there is a spiritual battle going on that goes beyond what we can see. Shouldn't that be another reason to say, "Hello! Fight it!" But... do I do that? Many times no... but tonight I will.

Take care...

Stop and smell the roses?

I feel as though I've been running through a path in this crazy thing known as daily life and have now reached the area where I am ready to begin summer but there is a problem... The path drops off like the sharp edge of a cliff. I missed it. How does this happen?
When I think about it, this is something I've struggled with most of my life. Learning to enjoy the season... the month... the day... the week... the moment.
Unfortunately, the tireless saying of stop and smell the roses has become very cliche. Something that is said without thought of what it means. An old saying for "out of date" people. But should it be that way? Is that our problem?

When you think about it, to smell roses, you really must stop. Unlike other floral scents that can fill a room with just a handful, or like the scent on a soft breeze from a nearby magnolia tree, roses make you pause to take them in.

There are other times, however, such as walking into a grocery store on the eve of Valentine's Day and there is an obvious difference in the air. The 100 dozen roses captures not only your sense of smell, but also fills your eyes with their beauty. Times like those command you to notice, even if for only a split second... no stopping required.

Stopping to smell the roses takes more than time, it takes your mind and heart. It commands your attention. As I said before, there are so many other flowers that have a much more bountiful fragrance. I love the smell of eucalyptus, but have you ever seen it? It's just a thin branch with small leaves jutting out on each side. It's OK in itself, but more often than not, it is used as foilage for other flowers. It took me a long time to figure out what that scent came from. I never, ever, expected it to be a tree. I had heard of eucalyptus, but surely those trees must produce flowers (and some do, but it wasn't the flower that I was smelling). No, it's not scent alone that draws our attention to stop and smell the roses. It's the beauty of the rose as we pass by that must first entice us to stop and try to capture it.

Looking through my life (even just yesterday), God has placed many roses throughout my days. Most of the time I run by barely noticing they exist. I can see the beautiful colors blurred here and there as I pass. I may even think, how sweet or fun something is for a split second as I race on.
My prayer is that I will learn to stop when I see the color draw near. Stop - not pause, not think, not do my obligatory 20 second halt. The goal is to take in the beauty not just quickly catch the fragrance and continue on. It's that each moment spent with these roses makes a difference in my life. That I will walk away changed in some small way.

Old habits die hard and this will take more than my will to make it happen. I am quite confident that God put those roses in my life for a reason. I pray I am able to not only capture them, but to seek them...

Take care...

Titanic Memories

Have you ever slept laying the wrong way and then when you wake up you can't move, or even breath without pain? Judging from the way I'm feeling I must have done one major gymnastic set during the night. I've done this before, but nothing to this extent. I guess this is one way to have an impromptu day in bed with the heating pad.

My son and I ended up watching the movie Titanic all day. Yes, all day! It's a three and half hour movie (I think) not to mention the deleted scenes, easily four hours plus. Nothing like four hours of devastation to cheer you up. Strangely enough, it did just that. It reminds me of when my sister and I would literally run from one theater to the other to catch the next showing.
~ I should add to this that the nice thing about DVDs is that you can skip certain scenes. I don't want anyone to think I was sharing the WHOLE movie with my son.

I've always had an interest in the Titanic, so I guess it was a natural thing that I would be drawn to the movie. The pride, the heroism, the reality of all the feelings that everyone must have been having. What would you do if you knew you only had hours to live? I'm guessing not a whole heck of a lot when you're stuck in the middle of the Atlantic, but I digress...
I never thought my sister would watch it again after the first time I took her. She was crying so hard that the snot sucking could be heard over the dramatic theater music. I felt so bad as she bent down and her whole body shook with her tears. Oddly enough... she wanted to see it again, and again, and again, and again. We saw it so much, we actually tired of movie popcorn. Thankfully it was not a permanent disease, just caught from over exposure I guess.

Take care...

Service, Staff Meeting, Dedications, 180 - Oh my!

Yes, it was one of those busy Sundays. Loooong.
I have to take a moment and give thanks to God. I feel so fortunate and love what He allows me to do at church, not to mention the people that I get to work with. We have such an awesome crew! Being with people gives me energy and lifts my spirit.
I'm still struggling and feeling down, but better. I did finally put some of my thoughts and feelings together. The past several years in the late summer, I haven't been here. I've been back home with my sister/mom for over a month at a time (several times in a row).
I just feel a bit out of place. Something doesn't feel quite right.

OK, that's enough for tonight. It's 12:18 and I'm fighting sleep. I really want to be able to just surf for a little bit before ending the day, but I don't know if my eyes will let me.

Take care

Mom's Anniversary

Today is August 19, 2006, it's been two years to the date of my Mom's death. It's about 6:30 right now as I write. Mom died early in the morning in 2004 so by this time in the evening my sister and I had already been in contact with most of Mom's close friends and family to let them know. We were so tired from the lack of sleep the night before, but couldn't feel it. I was still numb. Could this really have happened? Is she really gone? No way! Nothing could take her away. I mean... she's been there forever, right?
It's just so surreal... Everyone knows that when someone dies they're gone, but... honestly, I don't think you can really understand exactly what that means until you've experienced it. No more phone calls. Did you forget what goes in that recipe? To bad...

My relationship with my mother was always interesting. We had some really hard times and then came to an understanding about ten years ago. I finally got to know her --I mean, really know her-- the last six months of her life.

Needless to say, I'm feeling a little depressed. I have no motivation to do anything. I'm just sitting here aimlessly surfing the web and feeling "yucky". It drives me crazy, because there are days when I wish I could do exactly this (sit and surf with no worries). Now that I'm doing it, I just feel lazy. It's Saturday, my kids are out and about with their friends and I (pretty much) have the house to myself. It's nice outside too. OK, it's really crazy hot out, but the sky is blue and there are so many things I could be doing, but I have no interest. I sit here with guilt on my back reminding me of how I'm wasting my day.

Next year I'm going to go back and be with my sister during this time. It's just to hard to do this alone and it's a perfect time to remember the fun we had with Mom. Her last days were some of the best in her life.

I miss you Mom, but I know you are living in a beautiful home, even prettier than the green house you loved so much.
No more car problems, no more worries about paying the bills, just a heavenly vacation. Enjoy it...

It's been two years since my mom died. I still miss her. The other day, I heard someone say my name and it sounded just like her. It made me smile.

Take care...

Time, Time, Time...

I have to say I am amazed. I actually heard from you wondering why I haven't been blogging. That's amazing. Either you're completely bored out of your mind and need to get out more, or you need a referal for good a therapist.

Actually, I haven't had much time to think outside of my daily routine of to much to do and not enough time to do it.

This seems to have become a common problem with people. Over the years we've all thought we need more time in our day (unless you're in the state pen and are looking to shave a few hours off).
We've even produced terms in the English language to make us feel as though we can get around it such as, steal a moment of your time; living on borrowed time; buying time - and so on.
You'd think we'd learn to live in the 24 hours a day that God has given us. I mean how long have we been around? Have we not learned anything?
Let's not also forget to mention that this is the age of technology, right? (That or they've come up with a new name for advancement and I haven't caught up with the times yet. Kind of like taking the "Future" ride at Disney and realizing that most of their amazing gadgets are already outdated. (There's a bummer for your fifty dollar admission ticket.)

Seriously though. We are living in a time where things have been made to help us get more done in less time. Woo Hoo!
Let's get done faster so that we have time to... get more done?
I mean, this truy is what I'm thinking right?
I have so many things on my "To Do" list that I've run out of room.

I guess if we really thought about it, what we really want are some advances in life that allow us to do less. Huh... now there's a thought.

Going out on a limb would bring me to the conclusion that we should "Just say no!"
But that's not always easy is it? Not because of outside pressure, but because we really want to do more, I think.
It's how we're wired (or at least I am). In some ways I guess it depends on how we view the words: more and less.

Do we want to do more faster so that we can do more with our kids? -OR- Do we want to do less so that we can do more with our kids?
They sound a lot alike, but they really aren't.

I can't say which it is for me. Actually, I would vote for either one depending on the day or moment. It's no secret that I am ADD. Not the bouncing off the walls kind of ADD, just the mind always running, usually faster than I can keep up. This way, I'm never bored and can always find something that needs to be done. This works for me.
It's so much easier to stay busy than to slow down and figure out what to do next.

No matter what the answer is, it all comes back to the same result. We all have only 24 hours in a day. Time knows no gender, income status, nationality, etc.
The reality is that no matter how hard I try to get more done in a day, I really need to look at each task/activity and decide if I can do it faster so I can have more time, or if I should just say no and do less which will inevitably create more time.

Alrighty then. I'm done deep thinking. Which I should never do without at least two cups of caffiene in my system. I have myself so utterly confused I need to walk away, take two Tylenol and think through this once the migraine passes.

In Him,
Tammy

Backaches, headaches, and other adventures in moving!

Hey you, how are ya?
Alrighty then, I guess it's past time for an entry.
What to write and do I have time... While the "what" remains to be seen, the time question is easy... No, I don't.

Let's start off with the obvious from the last time I blogged... time.
This last week has been fun, crazy and a little scary.
No, my children have not colored their hair magenta or cyan blue. This actually describes what it's like to move a fairly large church into a new building.

As you may or may not know, our last facility was a cool old synagoge. It sat next to a nursing home which owns the land. They decided it would be more prudent to tear it down and add more assisted living facilities. This is where our adventure begins...

Over the last few years God had led us to this really awesome property that is less than a mile from our house! Woo Hoo! (OK, we're happy so far about the distance thing. I'll update whether we're still thrilled in a few months.) But I digress...

The church was built in three disconnected sections. Sounds strange, but really cool.
The offices were done awhile ago, the kid's building just got its permit, and the auditorium will not be done until the beginning of February. I didn't get to tell you the fun part yet - We had to be out of the old place by last Monday at 12:00 PM.

To say the least, this has presented a few problems.
In times like this, even some of our skeptics can't help but see the facts that not only does God exist, it also proves He has a sense of humor.

At 2:00 PM last Sunday the madness began. The remaining loose ends were packed up and transfered to the new place. We've rented an extremely large climate controlled tent that will hold (I believe) up to 700 people. Great the adults are taken care of... now for the kids (needless to say, we are keeping four services for now).

All I can really tell you so far is that it's coming along. It will be incredible in a few weeks. For now... it will hold people and be... appropriate.

Sadly, this is the best entry I can give you. Right now we are living, eating, and breathing the move. It's now roughly 9:15 PM on Friday and still so much to do.

Call me crazy, but... I think it's only fitting that we won't have everything perfect for our first service (at least in the kid's building). We can get so caught up in what "we" did, that we forget who is really doing it and why we are there in the first place.

Movin' on up...

Hey you, how are ya?
Alrighty then, I guess it's past time for an entry.
What to write and do I have time... While the "what" remains to be seen, the time question is easy... No, I don't.

Let's start off with the obvious from above... time.
This last week has been fun, crazy and a little scary.
No, my children have not colored their hair magenta or cyan blue. This actually describes what it's like to move a fairly large church into a new building.

As you may or may not know, our last facility was a cool old synagoge. It sat next to a nursing home which owns the land. They decided it would be more prudent to tear it down and add more assisted living facilities. This is where our adventure begins...

Over the last few years God had led us to this really awesome property that is less than a mile from our house! Woo Hoo! (OK, we're happy so far about the distance thing. I'll update whether we're still thrilled in a few months.) But I digress...

The church was built in three disconnected sections. Sounds strange, but really cool.
The offices were done awhile ago, the kid's building just got its permit, and the auditorium will not be done until the beginning of February. I didn't get to tell you the fun part yet - We had to be out of the old place by last Monday at 12:00 PM.

To say the least, this has presented a few problems.
In times like this, even some of our skeptics can't help but see the facts that not only does God exist, it also proves He has a sense of humor.

At 2:00 PM last Sunday the madness began. The remaining loose ends were packed up and transfered to the new place. We've rented an extremely large climate controlled tent that will hold (I believe) up to 700 people. Great the adults are taken care of... now for the kids (needless to say, we are keeping four services for now).

All I can really tell you so far is that it's coming along. It will be incredible in a few weeks. For now... it will hold people and be... appropriate.

Sadly, this is the best entry I can give you. Right now we are living, eating, and breathing the move. It's now roughly 9:15 PM on Friday and still so much to do.

Call me crazy, but... I think it's only fitting that we won't have everything perfect for our first service (at least in the kid's building). We can get so caught up in what "we" did, that we forget who is really doing it and why we are there in the first place.

In Him,
Tammy

Happy New Year!

Wow! I must be getting old.
Yesterday I had another reality check that my kids are growing up. First, there was not one single kid's toy on the Christmas list this year. Now, they didn't want to hang with us on New Year's Eve. Why not? I'm still cool! I'm young... ok, I'm not twenty, but I'm not like... really old. I mean, I still even used the word "like" in that last sentence!

So today starts out with the plan that two of my boys are going to a Youth group High School party. Ben, my baby... I don't care if he is thirteen, he'll be bringing grandkids over at 35 and still be my baby!
He decided he wanted to spend the night with a friend. They didn't want to be with us?!? Alright, I finally got over it and was looking forward to going to a friend's house to hang out, play some games, watch a movie, etc.
Matthew leaves to drop off the boys and suddenly a change of plans is in the works. It seems their party was canceled. Bummer for them... believe it or not, now bummer for us. As upset as I was that this would be the first year they would not be with us, I found that I was actually disappointed our date was off.
I finally had the reality check that life goes on. Obviously not for us yet, as our children sat in the living room watching the NY ball drop, but it will soon.

All in all it ended with Ben (our youngest) at his friend's house; Brandon and Alex at our home with two of their very good friends playing video games and being goofy (like all teenage boys); Matthew playing on his computer upstairs and I playing on mine in the kitchen. Still not how I envisioned it, but we were "together"... minus one.

Disclaimer:
We did all end up in the living room at midnight to see the ball re-drop from the east coast. Matthew and I even gave our yearly midnight kiss to the dismay and yucks of all the children present.

I realize that we did not spend every moment of this night in the same room with the boys like we used to. Since they had friends over, we gave them free reign in most of the house, including the living room. As much as I wish I could; I have to say that I cannot pull up the same excitment and enthusiasm they have about the latest edition of Star Wars Battlefront. Therefore, they can have the TV.

What did I learn?Even though my kids are growing up, I will survive and yes, maybe even thrive. I love my children so much, but they are also becoming cool adults. I've learned that while they may be on the fast track to adulthood, they are still not afraid to hug me in front of their friends and ask my opinion from time to time.

I've also learned that coolness is over rated. At this point though, I'd like to note that I used the words "bummer" and "hang out" in the second paragraph.

Happy New Year... you!

In His care, Tammy